First of all...COYS! I love your posts b/c I have a husband that refuses to buy clothes. He feels bad that he is no longer the soccer/football playing guy and he thinks he it's a waste of money to buy new clothes if he is going to be able to someday fit into his old clothes. Anyway, I do buy clothes for him and your insights help. Thank you.
Come on you Spurs!!! Thank you so much. Hearing that makes my heart want to explode. It's not a fun process, but hopefully my bumbling can be a little helpful.
Thank you both for teaching me what COYS means. I looked it up before Charlie chimed in. Out of gratitude, I will refrain from shouting it to Charlie whenever I see him. (Is it pronounced "coys "? )
For the most part, you'll only see COYS written out instead of spoken. In person, one usually goes with the entire Come on your Spurs! Although, it is a fun thing to say quietly while passing someone wearing an Arsenal jersey, for example.
Wow. I honestly had no idea the size discrepancies affected men as well! There’s so much about this out there related to women’s sizing standards… or lack thereof… but not a lot about the same with men!
This whole size discrepancy thing took me by a bit of a shock too. Since I always just got "the biggest you have," any time things fit differently I just assumed was on me, ya know? But now that I can wear smaller sizes I finally see the spectrum. It is infuriating!
I 100% get this Charlie. As a fellow fat kid who grew up to be a fat guy, buying clothes has always been an exercise in misery. I think one of the reasons why I never bothered to learn anything about fashion or dressing well is because all the goddamned good clothes are made for men with chiseled bodies and perfect hair. So dressing like that would simply emphasize just how badly I look in them.
Now: How the hell did you lose 120 pounds in a year?! I’ve been going to the gym for years and stopped eating junk food for almost as long, and at best I’ve only managed to lose 25 in all that time. It’s seriously demoralizing.
You might not like the answer here... I quit drinking. My blood pressure was in the 200s, I needed to lose weight, and it was the easiest thing to cut first. It turns out to be a pretty big deal when you were previously throwing back about 1,000 calories a night on top of everything. Then I became a gym person and really cut back on a lot of the fried crap I used to eat. Nothing crazy, no shots, or anything. And while I definitely feel like I've accomplished something and know that it was difficult... it doesn't really feel like I did anything. That might not make sense, but I never really felt like I was working or like it was hard. I am a little shocked at how easy cutting drinking was. I've gone back to having a drink from time to time, and eating like crap every once in a while, and I can just turn it off after. It's really kind of wild and, I recognize this, the absolute worst answer to give to other people.
I should've remembered about the drinking because I was trying to get you to drink champagne at our launch party and you were not having it. (If I recall correctly – and I have likely tried to get you to drink a couple of times and good for you for saying no to me.)
I have seen that with other people who get sober and drop a lot of weight just from that alone.
And you are a remarkable person in your ability to do all this and being easy-going about it too. If I haven't told you that lately. (Now is when you blush and get mad at me for making you blush.)
Yup, pretty much! Not because of the quitting drinking though, because I don't drink. But between my regular gym attendance and dietary changes, I'd hoped that I wouldn't still be a fat fucking pig.
Thanks for being open about this and for asking, Andy. I look forward to Charlie's response because I witnessed the shrinking happen, but other than a few exercise related injuries I was aware of along the way, he did it very quietly and without fanfare. (I don't know if Kim would disagree with that.) But it's been remarkable to witness.
OK, i'm going to start with what may be the least potentially offensive angle because I'm sure I'm wrong and ungracious about this: I do get that awareness is great so people don't feel alone or like something is wrong with them and particularly regarding issues that are isolated to one gender or specific group of any kind. I'm not sure how important isolating out each specific phase is for people? I tend to just go through things without a lot of knowledge about them before hand, including childbirth, menopause, periods, or more specific to me issues. And I think in my case, at least, focusing on any perceived negatives about these things could amplify them.
I'm going to stop here for now while you maybe still like and respect me and I would love love to hear what you have to say!
Yes! That too! For me, every day is Perimenopause Awareness Day, whether I want it to be or not. I haven’t decided if it’s a blessing or a curse to be going though this during the golden age of peri talk.
Great piece, Charlie! I’m also fat and am intentionally losing weight. I’ve also been a fat activist for most of my adult life, and boy, is this a loaded minefield.
At my biggest I was about to size out of most mainstream plus size brands. I know every trick for covering what I want covered, and failing. I was participating in a poetry reading a few months ago. When it was too late to change clothes I realized the black dress I was wearing was hitching up in the front when I moved or raised my arms. My reading involved a lot of gesturing and I was convinced my apron belly was about to be on full display. All this is to say that I will forever obsessively tug on the neckline of every dress and shirt for the rest of my life.
An unpopular opinion: fat women have it better than fat men when it comes to clothes. My partner is also fat and refuses to shop. Once a year, usually for his birthday or Xmas, I buy him new clothes. The choices are grim. The waistband issues are real! I can get away with high-waisted bottoms (I don’t wear pants), or dresses (I always wear dresses). Lots more options.
Confession: I think that peek of tummy on bigger guys is hot. It’s a glimpse of the forbidden, and there’s a vulnerability to it that I like.
And finally, Jane! I’m pro penis encounter stories, so spill!
I completely agree that fat women have it better than fat men in so many ways now. As I've said, exposure and hope for change in that area is what made me so so excited about doing this fat guy fashion column with Charlie from our AJPT inception. Let's change things for your partner and other guys!
OK, penis story goes like this:
I was interviewing Conor for Jane Radio in my studio at SiriusXM. I knew nothing about him, but I generally had fun interviewing just anybody and getting down to the basics of who we both are. Well, who he was was someone who decided to stand up during the interview and pull down the front of his pants to show me tattoos that included showing his penis. I won't go into further details because you really may not want that, but the pubic hair was groomed and red.
I sent the article to my partner and he was excited to see an actual conversation happening about this. I don’t predict he’ll be getting all snazzy—he works from home and has full embraced the Adam Sandler look. But if this helps him step up while being comfortable for the occasional special event (got a college graduation in ‘27), I’ll count it as a win.
I’m not adverse to details, especially tattoo details! But I’ve been known to literally show my ass in public for people who want to see the world’s dumbest tramp stamp. I get it.
Thank you so much! It's the weird insidiousness of the fatphobic thoughts that's the real fucker of losing weight for me. I can't tell you how many times I've written or said something that is just so cruel to myself, but unintentionally, just because that's the way you hear people talk about it. I hate it! All these thoughts are a minefield, that's for sure, but if we have to go through it, it's nice to know others have been there too.
I’m about to start reading this, but couldn’t get past the penis line without commenting. Jane, were you ON Conor’s penis?? Or just telling us something about it? OK, going to read now
Ha ha ha ha! I realized only after I wrote that line that it could read that way. But I just let it be - for people like you who have minds like mine and got it
Also a fat guy, although I used to be a skinny guy, so it's weird for me too.
I resisted going up to 2XL forever, because I wasn't that big. When I finally did, it made a huge difference in how I felt in my shirts.
I also have the style hint of "Try stuff and remember what works" and also will add "Buy 3-4 copies of whatever it is."
I recently found a place called The Bird Hive (https://birdhivedesigns.com/) (free plug because they're awesome) where all the 2XL shirts 1. fit me perfectly and 2. have radical graphics (in the sense of they are leftist and aggressive, not day-glo green) so I've bought multiples of many shirts.
Also I am literally wearing the same boxers in the "Crack showing" picture and I checked - they are sticking out just about the same amount.
Wow, this is such useful advice. Thanks for that, Derek! I am down with the buy three or four copies of whatever fits myself, because it even seems hard no matter what size you are to find clothes that actually fit well. Bras are tricky and I have bought them in bulk since I was in my 20s.
First of all...COYS! I love your posts b/c I have a husband that refuses to buy clothes. He feels bad that he is no longer the soccer/football playing guy and he thinks he it's a waste of money to buy new clothes if he is going to be able to someday fit into his old clothes. Anyway, I do buy clothes for him and your insights help. Thank you.
Come on you Spurs!!! Thank you so much. Hearing that makes my heart want to explode. It's not a fun process, but hopefully my bumbling can be a little helpful.
Thank you both for teaching me what COYS means. I looked it up before Charlie chimed in. Out of gratitude, I will refrain from shouting it to Charlie whenever I see him. (Is it pronounced "coys "? )
For the most part, you'll only see COYS written out instead of spoken. In person, one usually goes with the entire Come on your Spurs! Although, it is a fun thing to say quietly while passing someone wearing an Arsenal jersey, for example.
Now I really want to try that. Is that unsafe?
Wow. I honestly had no idea the size discrepancies affected men as well! There’s so much about this out there related to women’s sizing standards… or lack thereof… but not a lot about the same with men!
This whole size discrepancy thing took me by a bit of a shock too. Since I always just got "the biggest you have," any time things fit differently I just assumed was on me, ya know? But now that I can wear smaller sizes I finally see the spectrum. It is infuriating!
Exactly! And that's part of why I think all of Charlie's AJPT writing on this topic is so revolutionary.
I 100% get this Charlie. As a fellow fat kid who grew up to be a fat guy, buying clothes has always been an exercise in misery. I think one of the reasons why I never bothered to learn anything about fashion or dressing well is because all the goddamned good clothes are made for men with chiseled bodies and perfect hair. So dressing like that would simply emphasize just how badly I look in them.
Now: How the hell did you lose 120 pounds in a year?! I’ve been going to the gym for years and stopped eating junk food for almost as long, and at best I’ve only managed to lose 25 in all that time. It’s seriously demoralizing.
You might not like the answer here... I quit drinking. My blood pressure was in the 200s, I needed to lose weight, and it was the easiest thing to cut first. It turns out to be a pretty big deal when you were previously throwing back about 1,000 calories a night on top of everything. Then I became a gym person and really cut back on a lot of the fried crap I used to eat. Nothing crazy, no shots, or anything. And while I definitely feel like I've accomplished something and know that it was difficult... it doesn't really feel like I did anything. That might not make sense, but I never really felt like I was working or like it was hard. I am a little shocked at how easy cutting drinking was. I've gone back to having a drink from time to time, and eating like crap every once in a while, and I can just turn it off after. It's really kind of wild and, I recognize this, the absolute worst answer to give to other people.
I should've remembered about the drinking because I was trying to get you to drink champagne at our launch party and you were not having it. (If I recall correctly – and I have likely tried to get you to drink a couple of times and good for you for saying no to me.)
I have seen that with other people who get sober and drop a lot of weight just from that alone.
And you are a remarkable person in your ability to do all this and being easy-going about it too. If I haven't told you that lately. (Now is when you blush and get mad at me for making you blush.)
Yup, pretty much! Not because of the quitting drinking though, because I don't drink. But between my regular gym attendance and dietary changes, I'd hoped that I wouldn't still be a fat fucking pig.
Thanks for being open about this and for asking, Andy. I look forward to Charlie's response because I witnessed the shrinking happen, but other than a few exercise related injuries I was aware of along the way, he did it very quietly and without fanfare. (I don't know if Kim would disagree with that.) But it's been remarkable to witness.
Jane, I want to hear your unpopular opinion on Perimenopause Awareness Month!
OK, i'm going to start with what may be the least potentially offensive angle because I'm sure I'm wrong and ungracious about this: I do get that awareness is great so people don't feel alone or like something is wrong with them and particularly regarding issues that are isolated to one gender or specific group of any kind. I'm not sure how important isolating out each specific phase is for people? I tend to just go through things without a lot of knowledge about them before hand, including childbirth, menopause, periods, or more specific to me issues. And I think in my case, at least, focusing on any perceived negatives about these things could amplify them.
I'm going to stop here for now while you maybe still like and respect me and I would love love to hear what you have to say!
Yes! That too! For me, every day is Perimenopause Awareness Day, whether I want it to be or not. I haven’t decided if it’s a blessing or a curse to be going though this during the golden age of peri talk.
💯
Great piece, Charlie! I’m also fat and am intentionally losing weight. I’ve also been a fat activist for most of my adult life, and boy, is this a loaded minefield.
At my biggest I was about to size out of most mainstream plus size brands. I know every trick for covering what I want covered, and failing. I was participating in a poetry reading a few months ago. When it was too late to change clothes I realized the black dress I was wearing was hitching up in the front when I moved or raised my arms. My reading involved a lot of gesturing and I was convinced my apron belly was about to be on full display. All this is to say that I will forever obsessively tug on the neckline of every dress and shirt for the rest of my life.
An unpopular opinion: fat women have it better than fat men when it comes to clothes. My partner is also fat and refuses to shop. Once a year, usually for his birthday or Xmas, I buy him new clothes. The choices are grim. The waistband issues are real! I can get away with high-waisted bottoms (I don’t wear pants), or dresses (I always wear dresses). Lots more options.
Confession: I think that peek of tummy on bigger guys is hot. It’s a glimpse of the forbidden, and there’s a vulnerability to it that I like.
And finally, Jane! I’m pro penis encounter stories, so spill!
I completely agree that fat women have it better than fat men in so many ways now. As I've said, exposure and hope for change in that area is what made me so so excited about doing this fat guy fashion column with Charlie from our AJPT inception. Let's change things for your partner and other guys!
OK, penis story goes like this:
I was interviewing Conor for Jane Radio in my studio at SiriusXM. I knew nothing about him, but I generally had fun interviewing just anybody and getting down to the basics of who we both are. Well, who he was was someone who decided to stand up during the interview and pull down the front of his pants to show me tattoos that included showing his penis. I won't go into further details because you really may not want that, but the pubic hair was groomed and red.
Ta da and thank you for asking!
I sent the article to my partner and he was excited to see an actual conversation happening about this. I don’t predict he’ll be getting all snazzy—he works from home and has full embraced the Adam Sandler look. But if this helps him step up while being comfortable for the occasional special event (got a college graduation in ‘27), I’ll count it as a win.
I’m not adverse to details, especially tattoo details! But I’ve been known to literally show my ass in public for people who want to see the world’s dumbest tramp stamp. I get it.
Haha. I'm happy about anything this does to get your partner comfortable at that graduation.
And I don't remember the tattoos at all!
If you don't remember the tattoos, that must have been some penis!
I'm going to say that, yes indeed it was. Not because it was so unusually huge – but I think they are all huge. But it was kind of perfect looking.
Perfect is better than huge. Always.
Ho. Lee. Shit.
JAJAJAJAJA That's me laughing in Spanish because I exhausted all my English laughter at your humorous comments. Thank you, Andy!
Thank you so much! It's the weird insidiousness of the fatphobic thoughts that's the real fucker of losing weight for me. I can't tell you how many times I've written or said something that is just so cruel to myself, but unintentionally, just because that's the way you hear people talk about it. I hate it! All these thoughts are a minefield, that's for sure, but if we have to go through it, it's nice to know others have been there too.
I heard this horrid sounding group therapy exercise the other day where you have to say to someone else in the group to their face
all the mean things that you say to yourself. I don't recommend trying that, but it is pertinent.
I’m about to start reading this, but couldn’t get past the penis line without commenting. Jane, were you ON Conor’s penis?? Or just telling us something about it? OK, going to read now
Ha ha ha ha! I realized only after I wrote that line that it could read that way. But I just let it be - for people like you who have minds like mine and got it
Also a fat guy, although I used to be a skinny guy, so it's weird for me too.
I resisted going up to 2XL forever, because I wasn't that big. When I finally did, it made a huge difference in how I felt in my shirts.
I also have the style hint of "Try stuff and remember what works" and also will add "Buy 3-4 copies of whatever it is."
I recently found a place called The Bird Hive (https://birdhivedesigns.com/) (free plug because they're awesome) where all the 2XL shirts 1. fit me perfectly and 2. have radical graphics (in the sense of they are leftist and aggressive, not day-glo green) so I've bought multiples of many shirts.
Also I am literally wearing the same boxers in the "Crack showing" picture and I checked - they are sticking out just about the same amount.
Wow, this is such useful advice. Thanks for that, Derek! I am down with the buy three or four copies of whatever fits myself, because it even seems hard no matter what size you are to find clothes that actually fit well. Bras are tricky and I have bought them in bulk since I was in my 20s.