Beatrice got in here and liked this piece before me or Rachel could even open it - and we are both ON IT! (Especially Rachel.) Thanks Beatrice and thanks for this piece, Rachel!
This is such a great essay. People love to talk about how this thing or that thing is “dead” but I think it’s safe to say that nuance is dead.
However your essay has brought nuance back from the grave. People live in different contexts, and within those contexts they have different identities. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if we maintain our own identity within ourselves and don’t let it disappear.
When I was a little kid, some 80+ years ago, my friends would call my Mom: 'Sheila's Mother'. I think none of the mothers ever told us what to call them, so we had to improvise. When we got older we called our friend's mothers: "Mother B", "Mother O", "Mother L" and the dreaded "Mother W". Only my mother was Mrs. Marks, and even her neighbor of 50 years called her that. I always go by Sheila, no matter what, even when I was teaching, because it was friendlier, and one of my life's goals is to accept my name. And friends still call me Jane's Mom. when they need advice. But the thing I really cannot stand is "Mother" - not "your mother" - but as in "What would "Mother want?" A woman who was managing an account for my Mother asked me that, and I would never, ever give her any money because she called her "Mother".
Mom!!!! I love you so so much! And I'm so happy that you commented! I'll come back here as soon as I get inside (it’s cold and windy here!) and write you more of a response. And I will call you (and probably James) tonight. Yay I love you!!
Dammit I’ve written the asshole argument commenter comment so many times, thinking you’d prefer a peaceful hippie corner of the internet to vibe in. But I’ve got two degrees. One was fine arts, the other philosophy which I believe is the equivalent of a license to argue, because I spent 4 years in training.
Which, because I know you love a story - and a dish - reminded me that one of my most beloved professors was struck by a car the year after I left, and her husband (who we all hated) was going to fly her to Siberia to be cryogenically frozen. BUT WAIT… he could only afford to store her head, so that, is what he did (traumatized me following this on the 6 o’clock news) THERE’S MORE - he goes off to Russia with her head, and returns married to an 18yo girl that worked at the place that was going the freezing.
Not all of my stories are about bad things that happened to me, some are about other people. Anyway, I weep for my arguments lost to delete for peace.
As for this, I have no kids, but I correct people who do not use my full name. I was married when I was 33, so I spent a long time as my first 2 names. My husband didn’t usurp that identity, he merely got tagged on the end.
Did you ever toy with the title: Charlotte of Jane Pratt: Another Jane Pratt Creation?
I love the sound of that. So you mean that would be a new title for this site or the way people would address me or both? I'm thinking it through. And yes yes yes to loving stories. Thank you!
My original thought was it would be how you’d address people upon them meeting your daughter casually, to really get the Jane Pratt in there fr tax purposes.
But I suppose it has many uses.
I’ve an idea for your signature as a Jane Pratt tattoo aka Cabbage Patch kid style as well, so various butts might read Jane Pratt…friend, Jane Pratt… enemy, Jane Pratt… co-worker. On my mind it’s creating an entire world that is labeled as to how it pertains to you. Because it makes me laugh to pretend you are a raging egomaniacal maniac that must claim everything in her name. Shall we say, like The Sea of Jane Pratt, or The Jane Pratt Kennedy Center.
How about this weather in NY? Blustery!! I had to close with something that made me look less psychotic.
This is amazing. And I have put my name on a lot of stuff but I know you would never actually compare me to that dude. (It was really fun in 2016 when we got to watch a ton of buildings up and down the west side of Manhattan that had Trump on them having the Trump removed because nobody wanted to live there with that name on it. But apparently he didn't get the hint.)
Right? She was such an awesome lady, but always coming in with casts, bruises. I’d decimate her husband at philosophy forums because he was an unrepentant public garter and all around misogynistic ass.
I think when this small town news reporter started covering the story, she never knew it was going to get as weird as it did. I knew, he had a fucking fundraiser to take her head to Siberia because ‘he couldn’t afford to, and wanted one day to bring back the best part of her.’
Which in rereading what I wrote, I’ve been a cranky old man far longer than I thought 😂😂
That we could prove, no. But her face said more than her silence on the issue. She was magnetic teaching great feminist writing - a seminar on Virginia Woolf, the Greek goddesses of retribution, so alive and passionate. Around him, that slump-shouldered eyes down whisper voice we’ve all seen.
I disliked him greatly. After he came back married, everyone did (I went to a small college in NNY) I’ve often felt sorry for the girl.. I don’t think she knew English.
The world shows itself everyday how it allows people to get away with… in this case I’ll say
I’ve found the most offensive thing in my book that some people have found is that I told abusive doctors to fuck off, and took over my own cancer case. In doing so, I became the sickest terminal cancer patient to ever make a full and complete recovery.
And it angers some people. That I pushed back on doctors that pushed me. That I thought I knew more. That I spoke out about the abuse.
Even though in my book I show from my medical book I was being starved, I was being deprived of oxygen, the doctor was harassing/mocking me - telling me he was going to make sure I died in that bed—
People still tell me: should have listened. Who are you to think…. You selfish egotistical blah blah.
And I think about that, and shrug. Because I think they missed the point.
And I always speak the unspeakable. That’s why a lot of people don’t like me 😂. Not polite enough to pretend that battery isn’t my business.
I’m going to comment as Open Secrets for a moment because Safari, where I’m signed in as me, keeps pushing me opening the post to the app and I’m watching my kid and making sure she doesn’t eat chess pieces or take every record out of its sleeve. Thank you so much for taking this and getting it live so quickly, Jane! As a Sassy, Jane, xoJane and now AJPT reader, it’s an honor.
Thanks, Open Secrets! I appreciate this essay so much and also appreciate you keeping your priorities straight and watching that beautiful kid right now.
If anyone who uses Threads comes across the original Thread, let me know and I'll comment with it or see if it can be linked. Note to writers: If you see a social media thread or article or anything else you might want to reference later, save it somewhere you can easily find it. I'll be doing that from now on.
This is so weird. I just - as in the last 20 minutes — changed my mom’s name in my contacts back to MOM Mary June because the IOS Demons changed it. I love this essay too and feel as if we’re all on some JP wavering
This reminds me of 2 things. I have a whole bunch of people in my phone as "Mom Friend ___" because I don't always know their last name.
Then there's this weird iPhone thing I've essentially given up on, but when I text people, it shows up as from A&A Car Service Bussel. I have never knowingly saved a contact as A&A Car Service, I've double checked that I've listed my name, Rachel Bussel, in my contacts, and have tried everything I can think of. Every time I meet someone new and text with them they ask me, "Do you have a car service?" The first time I told them what car service I use and they were like "No, you're in my phone as a car service." So strange.
Beatrice got in here and liked this piece before me or Rachel could even open it - and we are both ON IT! (Especially Rachel.) Thanks Beatrice and thanks for this piece, Rachel!
This is such a great essay. People love to talk about how this thing or that thing is “dead” but I think it’s safe to say that nuance is dead.
However your essay has brought nuance back from the grave. People live in different contexts, and within those contexts they have different identities. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if we maintain our own identity within ourselves and don’t let it disappear.
Thank you! I never wanted it to seem like I was saying everyone should feel this way, just that I do.
When I was a little kid, some 80+ years ago, my friends would call my Mom: 'Sheila's Mother'. I think none of the mothers ever told us what to call them, so we had to improvise. When we got older we called our friend's mothers: "Mother B", "Mother O", "Mother L" and the dreaded "Mother W". Only my mother was Mrs. Marks, and even her neighbor of 50 years called her that. I always go by Sheila, no matter what, even when I was teaching, because it was friendlier, and one of my life's goals is to accept my name. And friends still call me Jane's Mom. when they need advice. But the thing I really cannot stand is "Mother" - not "your mother" - but as in "What would "Mother want?" A woman who was managing an account for my Mother asked me that, and I would never, ever give her any money because she called her "Mother".
Mom!!!! I love you so so much! And I'm so happy that you commented! I'll come back here as soon as I get inside (it’s cold and windy here!) and write you more of a response. And I will call you (and probably James) tonight. Yay I love you!!
Dammit I’ve written the asshole argument commenter comment so many times, thinking you’d prefer a peaceful hippie corner of the internet to vibe in. But I’ve got two degrees. One was fine arts, the other philosophy which I believe is the equivalent of a license to argue, because I spent 4 years in training.
Which, because I know you love a story - and a dish - reminded me that one of my most beloved professors was struck by a car the year after I left, and her husband (who we all hated) was going to fly her to Siberia to be cryogenically frozen. BUT WAIT… he could only afford to store her head, so that, is what he did (traumatized me following this on the 6 o’clock news) THERE’S MORE - he goes off to Russia with her head, and returns married to an 18yo girl that worked at the place that was going the freezing.
Not all of my stories are about bad things that happened to me, some are about other people. Anyway, I weep for my arguments lost to delete for peace.
As for this, I have no kids, but I correct people who do not use my full name. I was married when I was 33, so I spent a long time as my first 2 names. My husband didn’t usurp that identity, he merely got tagged on the end.
Did you ever toy with the title: Charlotte of Jane Pratt: Another Jane Pratt Creation?
It’s very distinguished and British.
I love the sound of that. So you mean that would be a new title for this site or the way people would address me or both? I'm thinking it through. And yes yes yes to loving stories. Thank you!
My original thought was it would be how you’d address people upon them meeting your daughter casually, to really get the Jane Pratt in there fr tax purposes.
But I suppose it has many uses.
I’ve an idea for your signature as a Jane Pratt tattoo aka Cabbage Patch kid style as well, so various butts might read Jane Pratt…friend, Jane Pratt… enemy, Jane Pratt… co-worker. On my mind it’s creating an entire world that is labeled as to how it pertains to you. Because it makes me laugh to pretend you are a raging egomaniacal maniac that must claim everything in her name. Shall we say, like The Sea of Jane Pratt, or The Jane Pratt Kennedy Center.
How about this weather in NY? Blustery!! I had to close with something that made me look less psychotic.
Gina. Friend of Jane Pratt. (Not tattooed yet)
This is amazing. And I have put my name on a lot of stuff but I know you would never actually compare me to that dude. (It was really fun in 2016 when we got to watch a ton of buildings up and down the west side of Manhattan that had Trump on them having the Trump removed because nobody wanted to live there with that name on it. But apparently he didn't get the hint.)
What the fucking fuck with your professor and her husband. 😳
Right? She was such an awesome lady, but always coming in with casts, bruises. I’d decimate her husband at philosophy forums because he was an unrepentant public garter and all around misogynistic ass.
I think when this small town news reporter started covering the story, she never knew it was going to get as weird as it did. I knew, he had a fucking fundraiser to take her head to Siberia because ‘he couldn’t afford to, and wanted one day to bring back the best part of her.’
Which in rereading what I wrote, I’ve been a cranky old man far longer than I thought 😂😂
Wait, was he abusing her?
That we could prove, no. But her face said more than her silence on the issue. She was magnetic teaching great feminist writing - a seminar on Virginia Woolf, the Greek goddesses of retribution, so alive and passionate. Around him, that slump-shouldered eyes down whisper voice we’ve all seen.
I disliked him greatly. After he came back married, everyone did (I went to a small college in NNY) I’ve often felt sorry for the girl.. I don’t think she knew English.
The world shows itself everyday how it allows people to get away with… in this case I’ll say
My app went bonkers and maybe I should have left it, but it’s supposed to say:
Unspeakable acts of cruelty. Unspeakable in that witnesses say nothing.
Yeah, the difference in how we are with other people compared to how we are with the abusers in our lives says everything.
I’ve found the most offensive thing in my book that some people have found is that I told abusive doctors to fuck off, and took over my own cancer case. In doing so, I became the sickest terminal cancer patient to ever make a full and complete recovery.
And it angers some people. That I pushed back on doctors that pushed me. That I thought I knew more. That I spoke out about the abuse.
Even though in my book I show from my medical book I was being starved, I was being deprived of oxygen, the doctor was harassing/mocking me - telling me he was going to make sure I died in that bed—
People still tell me: should have listened. Who are you to think…. You selfish egotistical blah blah.
And I think about that, and shrug. Because I think they missed the point.
And I always speak the unspeakable. That’s why a lot of people don’t like me 😂. Not polite enough to pretend that battery isn’t my business.
I’m going to comment as Open Secrets for a moment because Safari, where I’m signed in as me, keeps pushing me opening the post to the app and I’m watching my kid and making sure she doesn’t eat chess pieces or take every record out of its sleeve. Thank you so much for taking this and getting it live so quickly, Jane! As a Sassy, Jane, xoJane and now AJPT reader, it’s an honor.
Thanks, Open Secrets! I appreciate this essay so much and also appreciate you keeping your priorities straight and watching that beautiful kid right now.
If anyone who uses Threads comes across the original Thread, let me know and I'll comment with it or see if it can be linked. Note to writers: If you see a social media thread or article or anything else you might want to reference later, save it somewhere you can easily find it. I'll be doing that from now on.
So it was on Threads that you saw that comment from the other mom that sparked this idea? I'll go hunting, for sure.
This is so weird. I just - as in the last 20 minutes — changed my mom’s name in my contacts back to MOM Mary June because the IOS Demons changed it. I love this essay too and feel as if we’re all on some JP wavering
This reminds me of 2 things. I have a whole bunch of people in my phone as "Mom Friend ___" because I don't always know their last name.
Then there's this weird iPhone thing I've essentially given up on, but when I text people, it shows up as from A&A Car Service Bussel. I have never knowingly saved a contact as A&A Car Service, I've double checked that I've listed my name, Rachel Bussel, in my contacts, and have tried everything I can think of. Every time I meet someone new and text with them they ask me, "Do you have a car service?" The first time I told them what car service I use and they were like "No, you're in my phone as a car service." So strange.
That's amazing! I do think that we are all in sync. And if I still had a period, we'd probably all be getting that at the same time too.
This is such a sweet essay!
This is a cheerful and balanced take on work and family life and how would impacts our identity.
Thank you, Ellie!