I Hate Those Poles That Are Meant to Protect The Parking Lot Ticket Kiosk, But Always Jack Up Your Car

And whose idea was it to color them yellow, anyway?

The universe has got jokes—you know, the silly incidents that happen occasionally, make you shake your head, shrug your shoulders, and eventually move on.

But sometimes the universe takes it too damn far. Two weeks ago, as I was exiting the parking garage of my apartment building, I ran into one of those ridiculous yellow poles that are supposed to keep you from hitting the ticket kiosk.

Problem is, those poles are always in the way. Each time I try to make a tight turn to avoid the pole, I wind up too far away from the kiosk to insert my ticket. Sometimes I even drop my ticket and have to open the driver’s door ever-so-slightly, slide out (which can be difficult depending on how much belly bloat I happen to have that day), and scour the pavement for the wayward ticket so I can get the hell out of there! Oh, did I mention there’s usually someone behind me honking his/her horn for me to hurry up? (SO RUDE.)

To avoid the latter scenario, each time I use this particular exit I’ve been inching ever closer, hoping against hope that somehow this time I have mastered the exact distance necessary to clear the pole and still be as kiosk-adjacent as possible.

It’s the same drama I have at any fast food drive-thru joint or drive-up ATM machine. I think the people who built these narrow thruways are sadists.

Now I’m driving around with a scraped-up left front fender streaked with some of the residue from the yellow pole. It’s not horrible, but it probably does make people get all judgy and think I’m a bad driver. I know when I see damage like that on someone else’s car, I’m usually thinking they should probably have their license revoked, and I hope to never encounter the likes of them on the highways and byways I travel.

Lucky for me, the guys at the car wash buffed out the yellow streaks for an extra $20.

I am not a bad driver. I just have really bad depth perception. Which is why I wear progressive eyeglasses. It even says so on my driver’s license!

I think we should start a petition/class-action lawsuit against whoever invented these poles. My 2022 Subaru Crosstrek Sport and I are ready to recoup some coins for our pain and suffering whenever they’re ready.