Black boy joy is essential and I allow my son to express his loudly. If wearing mismatched sneakers makes him happy, I don't care who looks at me sideways.
Thank you, Meeka. Not just for sharing your story but for parenting with bravery and breaking cycles of control over children. All children seem to be overly controlled in my opinion but for kids of color and Black and Brown kids this is clearly particularly true.
Let our kids express their joy and their individualism. Let them be messy and imperfect. I totally, totally agree with you and love that you are so strong in your convictions around this. xo
Thank you! I am trying not to repeat the mistakes that was made on me. Sure, I have made some mistakes on this journey… it’s inevitable however, I’m actively trying to do better. Which can be hard sometimes for varying reasons but that’s a story for another day.
And please please let it be a story for another day on AJPT! I am incredibly intrigued and couldn't resist this opportunity to tell you again how much I would love to make that happen.
Thank you so much, Meeka, for everything you say here. I also love how when I asked if you would write something for us, you immediately knew exactly what you wanted to write about. It's perfect. Love to you and that wonderful boy.
Thank you for writing this most intelligent piece and for opening my eyes to the contradictions of raising black kids to have the joyful freedom of childhood. Your clarity of purpose is amazing and a lot more fun and more interesting than raising your son in a social environment that's based in fear!
I agree. Raising him in joy is a bold and brave and sensational act. I think Meeka will inspire many parents to do things differently after reading this.
This is so good...I love this sentence: "That kind of freedom-the joy of being untethered, unbothered, and untouched by the world’s rigid expectations—should belong to every child." Such a basic truth, and yet so many kids don't get to have this. I love that you've consciously decided to make sure your son has that childhood.
Here's another line I love so much: I’m doing everything I can to create a space where he doesn’t feel like he has to diminish himself or silence who he is.
It's so clear that you are doing absolutely everything you can, which is a huge amount of work and I applaud you big time for keeping it up.
Yes, this is so powerful. It somehow didn't occur to me that the chance to have a carefree childhood is especially threatened for black boys in our society. I'm really learning a lot from this one!
And it just doesn’t affect Black Boys. It happens to Black Girls. Black children are threatened. Tamir Rice was 12 playing with a toy gun. His mother buried him because a LEO thought he had a real gun in the park. That Leo wasn’t to far removed from 12 himself at 26 but he forgot what children at play looked like.
It's tragic, and it does beg the question of how that officer might have responded differently had it been a white boy with a toy gun. I do think it's privilege that I didn't quite realize that Black children in particular are deprived of a carefree childhood. Thank you for opening my eyes to that.
I really appreciate that you recognize that, Jennifer. Sometiems it takes a while to learn about the world beyond our exposure and also to unlearn other things that we have been taught.
Thank you! I feel like I've made it sound as though I am utterly clueless about how hideously racist the world is right now. I am definitely not - there's been no denying that reality in recent years. I guess I just never quite thought of it in terms of kids just being able to innocently play without being targeted in a racist way. But it's so true, and I think it's great that Meeka has taken steps to correct that for her own son.
I saw this post had gone up this morning, but got derailed by a shit ton of bullshit that is going to take quite a while to process. All that's to say that I'm sorry I didn't comment on this earlier.
Things are actually not within 100 miles of OK. But I’m trying to hang onto something an old friend taught me decades ago: It will be OK—I just don’t know what “OK” looks like from here.
LOL. Sorry. I don't think M wants anymore older brothers. He has a few courtesy of his dad. If he were a few years younger than him, he might approve. I found out over the weekend that he really wants a younger brother. 🤷🏾♀️
Ha ha ha, making me laugh out loud while reading comments once again, Meeka! That's how this whole beautiful piece got started. Please consider writing something else whenever you want to. I will likely keep hounding you if not.
And God your son sounds more awesome with every reference.
Meeka, I meant to read this piece days ago but life = chaos sometimes so I just got around to it. I love it, I love your son, and I love your parenting style. He's super cool and he's going to grow up to be exactly who he's meant to be and as moms, what more could we want? I hope we get to read more from you!
I could not agree more with everything you said about Meeka and this story. And I'm so glad that so many of us want to hear more from Meeka here too - thanks for encouraging that as well!
I loved this story for so many reasons. I love that you take your son to cultural events whether he is excited about it or not (even though your event holds more reason and weight, my mother insisted we attended cultural events against our will in the 70's and now I love the symphony), I love that you said yes to the sneakers without asking why, and I love that you stared back at judgement protecting your son's joy. Ha! So much Love! Your kid is one lucky duck!
I don’t ask for much. A show that’s once a year I think is fair. And it’s different every year. A different country represented each year. A different theme. I try to expose him to the arts.
As a Black woman, my motto is, “First and foremost, I am for Black women and girls.” As the mother of a Black son, I feel that I am doing double duty. I am committed to ensuring my child is protected and has the opportunity to thrive during his childhood. At the same time, I am dedicated to my own thriving and my nieces' well-being. Black mothers' responsibility is heavy, but I believe God chose me for this role. That's why He showed me my son before he was born, so I could start preparing for his arrival and doing the work necessary to ensure that I have the wherewithal to ensure he thrives in all of his BLACK BOY JOY!
You are just inspiring me at every turn, particularly with your clarity of thinking about these issues and stances. I used to feel that first and foremost I was for other girls (thus starting sassy magazine for that demographic) but more and more now I feel the importance of protecting and championing people who are trans or don't identify as female too, which has turned into my interest in promoting content here for all genders. However, I know firsthand the issues that only women face, and the problems that only women are even aware of, so I guess I would have to say that supporting them still feels like my primary duty. Clearly, I have not thought this through as well as you have to formulate a solid stance and I'm going to keep thinking about it because I want to get there.
Thank you, Meeka. Not just for sharing your story but for parenting with bravery and breaking cycles of control over children. All children seem to be overly controlled in my opinion but for kids of color and Black and Brown kids this is clearly particularly true.
Let our kids express their joy and their individualism. Let them be messy and imperfect. I totally, totally agree with you and love that you are so strong in your convictions around this. xo
Thank you! I am trying not to repeat the mistakes that was made on me. Sure, I have made some mistakes on this journey… it’s inevitable however, I’m actively trying to do better. Which can be hard sometimes for varying reasons but that’s a story for another day.
And please please let it be a story for another day on AJPT! I am incredibly intrigued and couldn't resist this opportunity to tell you again how much I would love to make that happen.
Thank you so much, Meeka, for everything you say here. I also love how when I asked if you would write something for us, you immediately knew exactly what you wanted to write about. It's perfect. Love to you and that wonderful boy.
And thank you for seeing me. When I commented I had no idea that this would be the result. Here is to living out loud with JOY!
Yes! With JOY!!!!
Thank you for writing this most intelligent piece and for opening my eyes to the contradictions of raising black kids to have the joyful freedom of childhood. Your clarity of purpose is amazing and a lot more fun and more interesting than raising your son in a social environment that's based in fear!
I agree. Raising him in joy is a bold and brave and sensational act. I think Meeka will inspire many parents to do things differently after reading this.
This is so good...I love this sentence: "That kind of freedom-the joy of being untethered, unbothered, and untouched by the world’s rigid expectations—should belong to every child." Such a basic truth, and yet so many kids don't get to have this. I love that you've consciously decided to make sure your son has that childhood.
Here's another line I love so much: I’m doing everything I can to create a space where he doesn’t feel like he has to diminish himself or silence who he is.
It's so clear that you are doing absolutely everything you can, which is a huge amount of work and I applaud you big time for keeping it up.
Yes, this is so powerful. It somehow didn't occur to me that the chance to have a carefree childhood is especially threatened for black boys in our society. I'm really learning a lot from this one!
I think some people would call it white privilege not to have to know about this, but it's wonderful that we are all learning it.
And it just doesn’t affect Black Boys. It happens to Black Girls. Black children are threatened. Tamir Rice was 12 playing with a toy gun. His mother buried him because a LEO thought he had a real gun in the park. That Leo wasn’t to far removed from 12 himself at 26 but he forgot what children at play looked like.
It's tragic, and it does beg the question of how that officer might have responded differently had it been a white boy with a toy gun. I do think it's privilege that I didn't quite realize that Black children in particular are deprived of a carefree childhood. Thank you for opening my eyes to that.
I really appreciate that you recognize that, Jennifer. Sometiems it takes a while to learn about the world beyond our exposure and also to unlearn other things that we have been taught.
Thank you! I feel like I've made it sound as though I am utterly clueless about how hideously racist the world is right now. I am definitely not - there's been no denying that reality in recent years. I guess I just never quite thought of it in terms of kids just being able to innocently play without being targeted in a racist way. But it's so true, and I think it's great that Meeka has taken steps to correct that for her own son.
And I say “forgot” sarcastically
Well said and sarcasm well deserved.
I love that sentence, too. Just beautiful.
Me three
PS I'm bummed because I sent this out with my own typos in it at first, so refresh it for the bonus of actual grammar!! Thank you!
I saw this post had gone up this morning, but got derailed by a shit ton of bullshit that is going to take quite a while to process. All that's to say that I'm sorry I didn't comment on this earlier.
Anyway...will you be my mother?😅
I hope everything is OK and what a perfect comment you did leave. Maybe Meeka can adopt us all.
Things are actually not within 100 miles of OK. But I’m trying to hang onto something an old friend taught me decades ago: It will be OK—I just don’t know what “OK” looks like from here.
Man well I am here for you and feel free to process anything you want here or in a DM or email or anything else.
LOL. Sorry. I don't think M wants anymore older brothers. He has a few courtesy of his dad. If he were a few years younger than him, he might approve. I found out over the weekend that he really wants a younger brother. 🤷🏾♀️
Well, people often say I’m emotionally stunted. 😅
Ha ha ha I think I can vouch for that.
My kid is a tough critic. You wouldn’t pass muster
Ha ha ha, making me laugh out loud while reading comments once again, Meeka! That's how this whole beautiful piece got started. Please consider writing something else whenever you want to. I will likely keep hounding you if not.
And God your son sounds more awesome with every reference.
Of that I have no doubt.
Oh Andy! Too funny.
Meeka, I meant to read this piece days ago but life = chaos sometimes so I just got around to it. I love it, I love your son, and I love your parenting style. He's super cool and he's going to grow up to be exactly who he's meant to be and as moms, what more could we want? I hope we get to read more from you!
I could not agree more with everything you said about Meeka and this story. And I'm so glad that so many of us want to hear more from Meeka here too - thanks for encouraging that as well!
Awww thank you for your kind words
Yesssss 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I can’t love this enough.
I so agree! It's one of the most uplifting things we've published in maybe forever? I'm dying for Meeka to write more here. Thanks for chiming in!
Hi Meeka,
I loved this story for so many reasons. I love that you take your son to cultural events whether he is excited about it or not (even though your event holds more reason and weight, my mother insisted we attended cultural events against our will in the 70's and now I love the symphony), I love that you said yes to the sneakers without asking why, and I love that you stared back at judgement protecting your son's joy. Ha! So much Love! Your kid is one lucky duck!
Beautifully said and I agree with every sweet word!
I don’t ask for much. A show that’s once a year I think is fair. And it’s different every year. A different country represented each year. A different theme. I try to expose him to the arts.
my mother did the same thing and now i do it to my son, though it’s near impossible to get him out of his cave and off a device.
Hell yes, Meeka! Keep it up, you’re amazing!
My daughter is autistic and 6’1” so we also had to have the law enforcement talk, but she’s white which is a layer of protection.
I’ve seen so many people working to bring Black boy joy to the discussion and this is a great way to do it.
As a Black woman, my motto is, “First and foremost, I am for Black women and girls.” As the mother of a Black son, I feel that I am doing double duty. I am committed to ensuring my child is protected and has the opportunity to thrive during his childhood. At the same time, I am dedicated to my own thriving and my nieces' well-being. Black mothers' responsibility is heavy, but I believe God chose me for this role. That's why He showed me my son before he was born, so I could start preparing for his arrival and doing the work necessary to ensure that I have the wherewithal to ensure he thrives in all of his BLACK BOY JOY!
You are just inspiring me at every turn, particularly with your clarity of thinking about these issues and stances. I used to feel that first and foremost I was for other girls (thus starting sassy magazine for that demographic) but more and more now I feel the importance of protecting and championing people who are trans or don't identify as female too, which has turned into my interest in promoting content here for all genders. However, I know firsthand the issues that only women face, and the problems that only women are even aware of, so I guess I would have to say that supporting them still feels like my primary duty. Clearly, I have not thought this through as well as you have to formulate a solid stance and I'm going to keep thinking about it because I want to get there.