I'm Almost 40— But I Only Wear Tween Beauty Products

You can pry this sparkly lip plumper from my cold, aging hands. Five crucial items to steal from Gens Z and A. (And please tell me of others I missed.)

Happy Thursday, lovelies!! That’s all of you, and especially you T and Q and + types!

I have three quick things before you get on to reading today’s brand-spanking new content:

1. Sara, who wrote this piece below, is new, so be nice and welcoming. It's her first contribution to Another Jane Pratt Thing.

2. The highly anticipated follow-up to our hot Valentine's Day story will be right here by first thing next week.

3. Not one but two famous people (famous for other things than their upcoming historical alignments with AJPT) are posting their exclusive personal stories and photos here within the next few days. So if you were thinking of canceling your subscription, you might just want to wait until after that. Depends on your renewal date, etc., of course.

I love you! Have some fun!

Jane

By Sara Pollock

You can’t tread on their territory (the Drunk Elephant counter in Sephora) without armour. So here I am, borrowing my 11-year-old niece’s Stanley cup.

I’m a grown-ass woman approaching her 40th birthday. I will refrain from making any tedious comments about aging… because, honestly? It's exhausting and boring.

What I will say is that this means I am a millennial to my very core.

I’m part of the oversharing, Livejournal generation. I’m also guilty of leaving cryptic band lyrics on AIM. In terms of fashion, my choice of denim during the start of the century would sweep your streets. Wearing a strappy vest under another strappy vest for absolutely no reason? Sounds cool, count me in. You can also refer to me as a founding member of Bad Eyebrows Club 2002*.

The higher the eyebrow arch, the closer to God. Here I am, turning 18 in 2003. Jane made me dig this picture up to show you what my look was as a teenager, so blame her. [Blame me! I love this Sara! -Jane]

Frosted, creased cream eyeshadow with a thick slick of crusty black liquid liner adorned my lids during the chaotic days of the early aughts. An extremely important part of my family trips from the UK to the US involved visiting Hot Topic and stocking up on Lip Smackers. (FYI Glossier Black Cherry Balm Dot Com is a pretty close dupe for Dr Pepper Lip Smacker.) [Dr Pepper Lip Smackers = my all time favorite for its tint and taste. -Jane].

My nostalgic memories of beauty products formed a big part of my life growing up. Specific scents can take me right back to a drugstore aisle in the ‘90s. It’s comforting because it serves as a reminder that while I may no longer be a kid counting her pennies for a $.99 Wet N’ Wild eyeliner, that girl is still in there, somewhere.

I truly do miss how fun beauty products used to be. I want my skincare housed in brightly-hued bottles. I live for that whole y2k space-age transparent crap. Some of y’all never owned an eyeshadow in a shade called “Gash” and it shows.

As you can perhaps tell, I like to keep my beauty quirky. We all know 2025 is going to be tough… so if a lip gloss with 3-D mermaid sparkles brings some extra joy to your morning, I’m all about it.

Frustratingly, it appears the majority of these products are now aimed at a younger demographic. When did we age out of whimsical? Exactly. Nope! In my quest to keep my make-up collection (and the top shelf of my bathroom) a continuously joyous place, I present a selection of products which are marketed towards Gen Z (and dare I say, Gen Alpha), but conjure up all of that nostalgic joy. Scroll below to find your new favourite.

Cali Ray - Big Swell Hydrating Lip Plumper Gloss - Glassy Magic - $24.00

Co-founded by Wende Zomnir, of Urban Decay fame, Cali Ray’s branding is more clean-girl-yoga-pants-Erewhon-smoothie than we were in our prime. (The ‘90s.) I can move past that though - especially with a lip gloss that provides a plumping effect sans the “oh shit I just ate a chili and now my mouth is on fire” effect. There is also a gorgeous light-reflecting luminescence a la Britney’s heyday about this gloss.

Three-dimensional shine that tingles whilst it transports your lips back to MTV when they played music videos.

Use it alone or on top of your chosen shade. (Or, if you’re like me, you can dab a little on your cheekbones when you’re too lazy to use highlighter.)

Ever Eden - Balance Up Clarifying Toner Pads - $26.00

They might be formulated for 12-year-olds, but they’re my best-kept secret.

Ever Eden’s Balance Up Clarifying Toner Pads are formulated specifically for sensitive skin, so if you find yourself having a reaction to some of the more abrasive chemical exfoliants on the market, these might just be the solution. These are advertised for younger folk, but the formulation is rich in mandelic acid (also a key ingredient for peri/menopausal skin, because it is simultaneously beneficial for both acne and dryness, along with hyperpigmentation).

I’ll admit that skincare marketed towards children (rightly) leaves a slightly queasy taste in my mouth, however, this is a conversation for another day.