I'm Jane's Brother And I'm Here To Help: Gifts For Men* Like Me Who Are Notoriously Hard To Buy For

Plus the cheap and quick solution to last week's dilemma.

I'm the person Jane and a lot of other people call when they can't figure out how to do something.

When I look at “gift lists for men”, I reject all their ideas, for several reasons:

• I like to research everything I buy and I admit, things given to me. It is very likely I’ll figure out that I’d prefer I got a different brand or version.

• If I need something, I probably bought it already.

• I’m cheap (or frugal, or thrifty or whatever you want to call it). I can’t stand things that I see as a waste of money. If it just sits on the shelf in the back of a closet, I also look at it as a waste of the resources that went into producing it.

• I am very particular: I have a wallet that I have decided is the absolute best wallet for me and I'm not going to try another. The goes for slippers, earbuds and other things.

Cosmopolitan's "50 Gift Ideas for Men," for example, is just ridiculous:

• #1 is a hoodie, which is fine, but maybe not that one. This falls into the standard boring gift category, like a shirt or tie. They will likely only wear it when you are around. 

• #2 is a friggin’ Executive Fidget Set. What am I going to do with that?  I think the whole desk toy thing has been out of style since about 1990.

I can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

• #3 is a beer dispenser. You pour your beer into it, and then it pumps it out for you. Then later, you have to clean it and charge it.

  :(

• #4 is a Plastic Lego coffee mug. Can you choose a worse gift than that? Who wants to drink out of a sharp-edged cup, and who would want to clean it. It doesn’t even look like you can drink out of it without spilling it all over yourself!

Between the clip-on parts and the divots on the flat side, I think your bottom lip won’t seal onto this Lego cup. Who wants to drink out of a sharp-edged plastic mug with all these nooks and crannies? Plus, it will be difficult to clean.

Also, everything in the Sharper Image catalog, or that looks like it should be, is a terrible gift. Please, no gadgets.

*I'm sorry for being gender normative, but these suggestions are mostly for the dad types out there.

Here are the things you should buy: