My sick secret was not only my exercise addiction. It was how that sucked me in to support the GOP - financially and otherwise - and then not be able to stop. Can you see my side?
As the troop leader here I feel I need to tell you that Jenn is exhausted from work so she'll be in the comments tomorrow morning. But leave anything you want for her here – questions or comments or anything at all - and she'll be psyched to see them tomorrow. And I'm ALWAYS here so you can always talk to me in the meantime!
It's tough because one day things are fine, and then you find out you are just another enabling consumer. Who can keep up? Also I quit my NYT subscription, but I still read it free from the library website. So am I still supporting them?!?!?
Let's talk about AMAZON. Many many of my friends quit a long time ago and it's the one I find the hardest because it affects so many parts of my life and days.
I quit Amazon more than a year ago and never looked back. It’s amazing though how thoroughly it has taken over what I call inconspicuous consumption (okay I cribbed that from a 1980s Roz Chast cartoon!). Today I was online shopping for a phone lanyard and it took quite a while to find a recommendation on a travel blog that wasn’t sourced from Amazon.
I wrote about this once here already, but I got banished from all Whole Foods for life years ago because they were being overzealous about catching "shoplifters" right after Bezos bought it and they accused me (I had gone toward the front of the store to call my daughter in the middle of shopping) so I signed something agreeing to never step foot in another Whole Foods for the rest of my life. So that boycott was taken care of for me!
Yes, we can talk about Amazon! I have given this all a lot of thought (and continue to do so; my approach is an evolving work in progress). To start, I need to say that it is so hard to balance ethical/moral ideals with a functional life. YMMV, but I don't feel that it's realistic to aim for perfection. I choose instead to seek a balance I can live with it. Does it require some level of rationalization at times? Fuck yes. But I feel like I'm doing the best I can within reason.
I live in Florida, so there is essentially nowhere I could buy food without compromising on some level. Publix, Wal-Mart, Whole Foods, Target: all are problematic. I'm not prepared to start homesteading or something like that. And it's just not realistic to get all my food from small local farms that I know to be politically ethical. The choice I can live with is to pick my poison, but pick it carefully. Rather than spreading my spending power across all the companies, I feel better about fully boycotting some and just allowing myself others. Maybe it's a delusion, but I feel like there's more chance of a boycott being felt if it is concentrated in one place. And it also forces me to be constantly aware of the places I am not shopping, and I feel like that keeps me cognizant, which helps me sleep at night. So all this to say: I choose Amazon/Whole Foods. I don't set foot in the others (and Target was a hard breakup at first but now it's the cringiest ex ever). When possible, I still try to shop local and support small businesses (and I will pay a bit more to do so), but I'm not rearranging my whole life around that. I don't feel great about it, but I feel like it was a measured choice and one I can live with. I would love to hear your thoughts.
God, I love this conversation. And I want to interject here that I heard Angela Davis speak last night and one of the things she talked about was her somewhat recent small act of rebellion in not using plastic water bottles. Which is challenging, but she took it on. Along with bigger acts of rebellion too, of course. And then it was funny because she mentioned how at speaking engagements when she says she doesn't want any plastic water bottles the organizers will often offer to pour it from the water bottle into a cup for her haha. She's amazing, as we know.
HOMESTEADING! LOL!!! Love it. I feel that need to be hypervigilant as well, but the truth is that exploitation of workers (both those who make the products abroad and the minimum wage workers in stores) is ubiquitous. It's true. We need to have a life. I read something when taking notes for this essay that it will only be laws that can effect change for these things. Individual consumer boycotts will never be enough.
Oh for me that is not an issue at all! (In fact, quite the opposite). I think NYT makes a clear distinction between Opinion Essays published as such, and information identified as news reporting. I very much disagree with censorship, and I don't like the idea of viewpoints being outright silenced. I do NOT think misinformation should be labeled as fact, so I need to trust my news sources that they have appropriately fact-checked their reporting and are using credible sources. But I would not actually want them to refuse to publish opinion pieces, even if I find those opinions absurd. I am interested in hearing what people believe. It's just important to make a distinction between Opinion and Reporting, which I feel NYT does very well.
Yes, you have a very good point here. I was so disgusted with that op-ed though. I go back and forth with different things...like quitting Amazon and then going back into easy and cheap shopping there. And also, cotton, coffee, all the things that exploit laborers and child laborers…the hole gets deeper and darker the more I think. The Boston Globe does the same thing with some nasty op-eds, but I still subscribe to them because I like to comment in the “Metro” section about teacher issues and local concerns I have.
Ugh. Yeah, I've always loved her voice, but MAGA has cost me more poignant casualties than Carolyn Hax. She has a solid following and if she chooses to jump platforms, she'll have an audience. But the longer she chooses to accept her paycheck at the expense of fascism, the less likely I am to want to read her words in the future. At this point, anyone who's not acting/speaking against it is for it; there is no longer room for neutral silence.
They've finally embraced darkness and mortality!!! LOL One of my all time favorite movies is "All the President's Men" (with Jason Robards as Ben Bradlee!!!!), and those were very different times for that paper, to say the least.
I want the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories! I get it, though—it can sometimes feel like piggy-backing, but I think it's more about how small and connected the world is. I've been grappling with this for a week with the ongoing "discourse" about Lindy West's book. I had an incident with her and her husband two years ago that makes their reaction to the discourse unsurprising. I've mentioned it in a few discussions, where I thought it seemed to fit, but it all feels a little ick. But life is a little ick most of the time.
Can't wait to read Jenn's piece after doing some writing I've been procrastinating!
Thanks and likewise! I've been seeing references to your encounter with Lindy, but I don't completely understand it and would like to. That's probably because I don't feel completely up on what this controversy is around her book and husband, etc either. So I'm behind overall if anyone wants to fill me in!
The “discourse” about Lindy: Her new book discusses how her husband cheated on her and used coercive tactics (an ultimatum) to get her to agree to a nonmonogamous marriage. He moved a much thinner, more conventionally attractive partner into their home. Readers are flipping out because Lindy gives a small bit at the end of the book that says she’s happy with their arrangement, but the bulk of the book is about her pain in the marriage. When people question this online, she and her husband have been leaving mean comments and emails. Her husband sent a particularly vicious email to a writer/podcaster at Slate. Of course, people are posting these responses and it’s not going well for the throuple.
My incident happened two years ago. Lindy did a speaking engagement at a dinner in St. Louis for a non-profit’s biggest donors. They gave her a room at the local Ritz, which is in a part of town that’s very quiet on weekends. On Sunday morning, while walking the neighborhood and posting photos on Instagram, she was making fun of how boring it was. Along with several other locals, I suggested that maybe she should venture beyond the most bougie part of town to where the fun things happen. She went off on me like I’d suggested she skinny-dip in the Mississippi (not advisable). I saw a couple of her responses, which were super snarky, so I blocked her. Which, yeah, hurt because I had been a fan of hers from her Jezebel days until that morning. As a fat woman who came up through the alt weekly world, I related to so much of her work and loved her writing.
But then it got truly weird. Her husband and a bunch of people in her realm started viewing my Instagram Stories and commenting on old posts. I had to block a lot of strangers that day. It was a massive over-reaction to a pretty tame response to her acting … not great.
Ok woah woah and woah. I can somewhat relate to her initial defensive reaction. If you said she was staying in the bougie part of town and should venture out, she could have thought you were being snarky about her even if you weren't. But then the next steps they took sound so petty and so overblown and odd. Everything I know about her I've always really liked and think she has a lot more important things to spend her time and mind on so this is surprising. And I'm sorry it happened!
Oh I totally can see how she might have taken my comment as being snarky. It wasn’t, but it also wasn’t like a super-helpful guide to St. Louis neighborhoods. I was polite but … terse, maybe? Her first response was immediate and defensive. I replied that she was being kind of a jerk about a place and situation she was in due to the good graces of a non-profit that paid a lot to have her there. Straightforward, but it really bothered me that she was being so shitty about living the writing dream life, and I didn’t conceal those emotions. Her next response was a straight up dig at me, and that’s when I decided to block her. I had my say and didn’t care to continue. I was bummed that a writer I admired was being such an ick person. And by then the husband was in my Stories, so …
I begged for the details only to discover you already posted them! 🤠
That sounds really shitty. I'm sorry. It sucks when people you look up to act like asshats.
I would have appreciated that a local was giving me suggestions for cool places to visit in a strange town, but that's just me.
My guess is that she really loves this dude and is maybe a little bit miserable sharing him with another. Perhaps that misery is coming out in weird inappropriate ways and onto undeserving people? I'm betting we'll get a follow up memoir someday about this time period of her life and the things she did that she regrets once she leaves him, or he leaves her. I'm no prude, but those situations need a delicate balance and some rock solid communication skills to work, and it sounds like maybe it's the husband having sex with them, but they aren't involved with each other? See...now I want to read the book! 😐
But I promise to get it from the library so I'm not giving money to someone who's been a jerk to you!
I posted more details! 😹 And by all means, buy her book if you’re inclined! Even though she’s not a delightful person she’s still a talented writer.
I travel a lot, and my Substack is dedicated to travel writing. I love it when the locals fill me in. My current post is about lovely encounters I had with strangers in New Orleans last week. I’ve been to plenty of cities that didn’t impress me, but bitching about them on social media isn’t even an option as far as I’m concerned.
I’ve been non monogamous for fourteen years, and I have the same predictions as you for her next book. That’s the other thing that got to me—the parts of the book I’ve read and what West and Co. have been saying and posting reminds me of SO many women I’ve met who are in poly relationships mostly to please their men. And it’s not empowering. It’s sad. And he definitely reminds me of the manipulative, abusive men in those relationships.
New Orleans is one of my favorite places on Earth, so I'll definitely go read your post about it. I usually go every year in April, mostly to attend a film festival that celebrates horror movies, but an added bonus has been a puppet festival that also occurs each April around the same time. I wouldn't say that I love EVERY show I've seen, but the ones that were good were really good. Plus it's just a throwback to the 90s for me, or at least that's what it feels like. I'm sad to miss it this year, but hopefully I'll get back there soon.
I love New Orleans so much! I go at least once a year, usually more if I can swing it. My next piece here is about getting the world’s dumbest tramp stamp on a whim in New Orleans.
New Orleans + puppets = Miss Pussycat! I’m 98% certain you’ll know who I’m talking about.
I need to look up that book. Also, I was SO looking forward to Ryan Murphy's Love Story on FX about JFK Jr. and CBK. But the characters are poorly written. It's terribly boring. I did end up buying that CBK Face Stockholm Cranberry Veil lipstick though. I'm a sucker!
I went to the premier and party for love story here in New York before it came out so I watched that episode. I enjoyed what I saw but my wonderful friend is one of the producers so I have to support regardless. I did take one of the fake cigarette props they had at the premier party (along with pairs of black sunglasses placed on the tables throughout the venue) and I find it very satisfying to fake smoke with it.
WOW - awesome! I LOVE Ryan Murphy. I guess my expectations were just so high for it after the other FX shows he's done with Joan Crawford and Truman Capote. SO HILARIOUS about that fake smoking...and did you get those oval CBK sunglasses? They're terrific! All the smoking made me want to buy a pack (after being a smoker for a few years like '95 - '02 chain smoking, and then tapering off until 2007), but I know I would choke on it now. The styling was very good...my favorite character was Calvin Klein and a whole production about his story would be a great thing for FX to take on if they had the same actors portraying him and his ex-wife. I mean, not that anyone's asking me. LOL.
I got to spend time there with Alessandro Nivola who played Calvin (I'm so glad you think it was as brilliant a performance as I do) who I've known for decades and decades, but haven't seen in ages so that was really a fun reunion. And I didn't steal any of the sunglasses, just the cigarette. They also had really good filet mignon so I positioned myself where the caterers were exiting the kitchen and got four plates for myself. (they were appetizer plates) and yum.
Also, absolutely no problem ever critiquing my work here or that of someone I know. That's all great and productive. I just wanted to point out that I couldn't even be objective on this one. Xo
Oh, I know that with you! You HAVE TO support your friends, no matter what…I mean, unless they do MAGA workouts and crazy stuff like that! Alessandro WAS absolutely brilliant. He stood out, and I loved the writing for him. I need to look up what else he’s done! I wanted to buy me some CK One…and probably will next paycheck. That was referenced in the show. I always buy stuff after I see it on TV.
I get it. Especially when there’s this pseudo-fantasy of a “relationship,” there’d be a sense of attachment and loss. Ultimately you found a way out.
An old friend of mine used to say, “when the pain gets bad enough, you’ll do something about it.” I’ve found that it applies to almost anything—and it certainly seems to apply here. If you feel a deep need to somehow make a theoretical amends by contributing what I assume is a significant amount of money over the course of this ordeal, then nobody is going to stop you. But in my opinion it’s unnecessary. You’ve already been doing much more with your work and dedication to opposing these fucking shitbags than what fraction of $40/month might have actually translated from Mary Helen to some kind of GOP-supported BS could have ever achieved.
What your friend used to say reminds me of another thing I've heard – often tied to addictive behaviors or bad relationships - "when the pain gets worse than the fear of change is when you will make the change".
Ha! Yeah, I had some fun writing this, despite my shame! I really like this quotation from your friend. It also made me think about my heavy drinking days...I didn't worship alcohol. It was all about not wanting to feel pain. And thank you so much for your kind words. <3
Thank you a million times for reminding me that I unwittingly picked the right voice to support almost 40 years ago. I always felt "heard" by JP's publications and this piece is possibly the most important one of all. I was braced to come into the comments and see "not everyone agrees with you but only the left rejects people who don't, hope this helps!" or "hard lesson that the first amendment also applies to people you don't agree with hmm?". Fuck all that bullshit.
You are not only allowed to swear here, but encouraged – especially at times like these! I'm going to embarrass myself by telling you that I literally put my fist in the air as I read your comment. I'm so happy that you found me initially, that we are still united now and that we've gotten even clearer about what's important with age!
Also, I mentioned this on a Substack note, but a lot of people unsubscribed when I posted this today. Fuck 'em.
😨 That's...wow. Fuck em indeed. My guess is they didn't read the article itself, just the title. I'm not interested in a puritanical existence, not from either direction.
I am glad that Jane published this with a highly controversial title!!!! I am about to put it on my social media...and wonder who will read it and who will assume!! Friendship Test?!?! LOL
While I have little patience for Trump supporters who are now changing sides and expecting to be welcomed with open arms, it’s wild that people are cancelling subscriptions over this piece. I’m betting they didn’t read beyond the headline.
Oh wow - thank you! I am WAYYYY left, but then...everyone commits some kind of hypocrisy. Like accepting a very good paycheck to serve people from families that aren't making anywhere near the kind of money they deserve...or teaching children a language of colonizers and working in a system that forces them to devalue their home language. I struggle with these things everyday.
Yes, me too. Jane is so wonderful at accepting our stories for what they are. And these essays would never be published in the conservative (not Republican, but cowardly is what I mean) mainstream media. I have been a reader since Sassy and especially Jane mag in high school. If you ever told me I would write for her, I never would’ve believed it! 💕
Jane, Pilates is incredibly safe and infinitely modifiable throughout pregnancy and beyond. Let me know when you’re ready to try it again, and I’ll ensure you have the best possible instructor. As a long-time practitioner, triple-certified instructor, studio owner and national educator, I believe it’s the best and most fun way to move your body in an exercise context.
(And also an OG Sassy reader and person who had an illustration of Mary Timony from an early Jane issue on the bathroom wall at my parents’ house for like… a decade?)
Oh wow, I have so much to talk to you about! I started Pilates because Christina Kelly tried it for an "athletic guinea pig" story for one of jane Magazine's earliest issues and she wrote that whe didn't like it as much as yoga. So the owner invited me to come and try it and I love love loved it from the very beginning. I practiced with this person and her team at her studio in TribecA for the next 30 years minus a seven year or so break for my daughter– which I now understand from you was misguided. It is still my favorite form of exercise. Probably having danced when I was young, it just makes a lot of sense for me and feels like I'm doing something good for my body rather than punishing it. But speaking of punishing, the owner of that Pilates studio ended up screwing over me and a lot of other people so I have not found my new place yet. Help me out! Thank you so so much for being here and for weighing in! I know you probably weren't expecting this on slot back. But thank you.
Wow - that's insane! Pilates is my favorite too, even better than yoga, except for one teacher at my gym who focuses so deeply on alignment. Her class is pilates-esque in that way. I am so sorry that happened. Awful. I have also started going to more cardio dance recently. Even when the music is very corny, I just don't care anymore. The dancing feels so good. I would take an adult ballet class, but the ones around here are at inconvenient times.
I'm sorry for your loss, it's for sure like a breakup and losing a relationship because you found out the person has been harboring deep dark secrets. I spent ages finding someone whose app I like (she's in the UK) for weight lifting over 50 and if she was evil I don't know what I would do. Ok to just not do my research b/c there are so few right leaning Brits? Feel free to shoot me a message if you want her app name, she's fantastic.
It reminds me of so many people who still give money to the Harry Potter franchise..and I have a lot of friends who still give that franchise money. I have a young child and I'm still on the fence with that choice.
Thanks! Yes, I felt absolutely betrayed...and very dumb for not knowing, even though you can look her up and see there was a big article about it a few years ago in Harper's, I think? About how all her friends felt betrayed by her for the same reason. I have found some good YouTube things...Yoga with Kassandra is pretty good. But it's really not the same. And I've been trying a bigger variety of classes at my gym. Oh yeah, Harry Potter. I was never into that! But there are so many good books out for kids these days. What age?
I choose to work out in my basement during a time of day when I would never leave the house (~5AM) b/c it is the only time I have found that I can....so at home is key for me. I'll have to look up Yoga with Kassandra. My son is 8, and we're into a lot of graphic novels right now, so not ready for books without any images yet. If he organically chooses Harry Potter then we'll see.
My husband and I have taught him that then man that makes Tesla is evil and tried to take way his free school lunches...so that was a win! Now he booos cyber trucks when he sees them driving.
Yes - time can be tight! Boho Beautiful is also a good one…and the 90s Cindy Crawford workout too. Oh my students (I teach 7th-12th this year) LOVE graphic novels…but the ones for teens. The other day, my youngest daughter and I saw an ad for a Dogman show in the theater district here in Boston. And damn I hate Teslas - but when people around here try to sell them used, they can’t find buyers now because of Elon!
We are all imperfect humans just trying to live. I'm queer, my partner is non-binary and neuro-spicy runs rampant in our house. We do our best to keep up and keep left but it can be exhausting. The list of places we don't shop at and businesses we don't support is ever growing. We call our Congress people (though I live in Florida so it's basically pointless), send the emails and have gone to the protests. We do what we can do, while also acknowledging that we live in a capitalist hellscape designed to keep us broke and distracted.
There will always be people who want you to "do more" and while it's important that we all do something, no one can do everything. When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that joy is a form of resistance and for me, that looks like enjoying the occasional homophobic chicken sandwich and playing the NYT crossword puzzle.
Your comment is so affirming...this was a really embarrassing thing to write, but I grew up Catholic, and the confession made by getting this out there feels cleansing (even though I would NEVER go to the Catholic church now).
It makes me feel good to hear from you - my family and friends are the same with the lists and the e-mails and all that. But you put it so well: "a capitalist hellscape designed to keep us broke and distracted".
You are so funny to - homophobic chicken. Yup - I know exactly what brand you're saying.
What's funny is that I also grew up Catholic and still go to church on the odd occasion. One of my best friends goes to Mass every morning. Perhaps it's because my Dad went to Jesuit schools his whole life, we went to more liberal(ish)-leaning, pro-education, Catholic churches. I deeply believe in a woman's right to choose, think pdf priests should go to jail, and gay people should be allowed to marry. AND, I also think of the Church as a very old, very large ship and it will take a long time to turn. Also, patriarchy ruins everything!
I respect others who don't want to participate in Church for all of the harm it has caused and I can also hold space for the people who do show up and are trying to make change from the inside. We do need both to happen.
One thing I've learned as I'm aging (I'm about to turn 48) is that binary thinking is often what gets us into trouble because it leaves no space for nuance and nuance is where our humanity lives.
I absolutely loved Catholic school, and the Catholic education I received from K-3. I was very privileged to go to Trinity in Elkridge, Maryland, and our principal was a nun and all the staff were women. I had a tough time getting used to public school socially. I begged to go to the Catholic high school that was later featured in the devastating documentary The Keepers.
One of my favorite authors in Mary Karr. I also love Memories of a Catholic Girlhood by Mary McCarthy.
I think the memorization, the rituals...it was all very comforting, though the hymns are pretty awful musically, or maybe the people in our parish were tone-deaf.
I feel very mournful about the abuse and most of all the cover up. I wish I could go back because Catholic Charities does so much for my students and there was a belief taught in my elementary school about giving back. The Catholic church really supports immigrants, the most appreciative t population in the US. I love love love my career. The families are very respectful, and the students love to learn (overall).
Some of my Haitian students attended Jesuit schools in Haiti, and they are the ones most prepared with academic skills. Many of those students go from beginners right to high intermediate in one year.
Jane - I don’t mean to be greedy, but would love to read both the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories!
Jenn - thank you for your funny and honest piece, and I’m sorry about the breakup! Love the link you made between perception of physical appearance and a misalignment in morals, I think that the quiet misery we feel when we don’t stand ten toes down (maybe eight or nine toes on an off day) for our beliefs totally impacts our appearance, or at least our perception of it.
Hi Sonia: Thank you for reading. It’s hard to feel good as a hypocrite to that degree. I found an okay ballet stretch video yesterday that was reminiscent of BB - Everyday Ballet. Not as sleek, but my legs felt long after. I’m back in the “dating world” re: fitness videos! And I love a good celeb story - so bring on ANTM and JFK, Jr!
Thanks for the feedback! And this whole comment thread has led me to look at getting back into Pilates, which was my favorite form of exercise after dance for about 30 years. (With the gracious help of KCD another AJ PT community member who is hooking me up.)So I'm truly truly grateful for that also. And it will be taught by someone whose ethics I agree with, because I actually looked into their background thanks to your story and because if I can make that choice in terms of what to support, I sure as hell will.
Nice! I went to a Pilates Mat class at my gym this morning after not going in awhile, and I feel soooo good. And that teacher is def not a MAGA lady. Pilates is truly the best form of exercise. And yes Ethics. Glad you got hooked up!!!
I’m still aching from Pilates this morning, maybe I’ll try out Everyday Ballet to get me stretched out tomorrow! Wishing you luck on your fitness instructor dating journey.
Thank you so much for reading. It felt so good to cut it off in the end, and I’ve been doing some new classes at the gym - like cardio dance and more yoga. I have gained like 5 pounds, but I am determined to lose it again.
Jenn! This was so smart and witty and devastating. I’m sorry she turned out to be married to someone evil and also wonder how a mother can sleep at night knowing she’s dooming families to mental and physical torment. Good for you for stepping away and for sharing what you learned. I believe every little and big step counts. Now hopefully when people Google her your essay will come up!
Thank you for reading, Rachel! <3 Yes, it's totally insane, and I wish I had never read wikipedia, but now on her Instagram, she is really MAGA-ing it. Which wasn't the case before. Oh, I wonder if that will happen with the Google-ing. It was a bad break-up, but it needed to happen, y'know!
This is really excellent, Jenn! It’s so disappointing and sometimes heartbreaking to find out someone whose work you admire supports this nightmare.
For many years I worked for Phyllis Schlafly’s daughter/head of her PAC. My job didn’t involve promoting her gross beliefs—I taught cooking classes at her gourmet shop/cooking school. I always looked at it this way: the money she paid me was often spent in ways that diametrically opposed her right-wing agenda. So, the strength you gained from the videos is being used to counteract the anti-migrant bullshit. And it’s being used to raise your kids to be good people.
Thank you for reading! Yes - it really was heartbreaking. And I will NEVER stop re-watching Black Swan every year or so. I am planning to get tickets to the American Repertory Theater production. I think it's going to be totally insane to see how they adapt it for the stage, especially the ending: https://americanrepertorytheater.org/shows-events/black-swan/
Ooh, Phyllis Schlafly - did you see that scene in Mrs. Maisel that referenced her?
And yes, I thought about that too - building muscles to fight the power! But I'm on to less devastating workouts!
As the troop leader here I feel I need to tell you that Jenn is exhausted from work so she'll be in the comments tomorrow morning. But leave anything you want for her here – questions or comments or anything at all - and she'll be psyched to see them tomorrow. And I'm ALWAYS here so you can always talk to me in the meantime!
Troop Leader - love it! Yes - bring it on!!!
I have unsubscribed and then resubscribed to the Washington Post six or seven times now, so I think I can relate to this a little?
What a perfect analogy. And me too!
It's tough because one day things are fine, and then you find out you are just another enabling consumer. Who can keep up? Also I quit my NYT subscription, but I still read it free from the library website. So am I still supporting them?!?!?
Wait, why NYT?
Let's talk about AMAZON. Many many of my friends quit a long time ago and it's the one I find the hardest because it affects so many parts of my life and days.
I quit Amazon more than a year ago and never looked back. It’s amazing though how thoroughly it has taken over what I call inconspicuous consumption (okay I cribbed that from a 1980s Roz Chast cartoon!). Today I was online shopping for a phone lanyard and it took quite a while to find a recommendation on a travel blog that wasn’t sourced from Amazon.
Oops but I shop at Whole Foods several times a week bc it’s the only store within walking distance and I don’t have a car.
I wrote about this once here already, but I got banished from all Whole Foods for life years ago because they were being overzealous about catching "shoplifters" right after Bezos bought it and they accused me (I had gone toward the front of the store to call my daughter in the middle of shopping) so I signed something agreeing to never step foot in another Whole Foods for the rest of my life. So that boycott was taken care of for me!
Yes, we can talk about Amazon! I have given this all a lot of thought (and continue to do so; my approach is an evolving work in progress). To start, I need to say that it is so hard to balance ethical/moral ideals with a functional life. YMMV, but I don't feel that it's realistic to aim for perfection. I choose instead to seek a balance I can live with it. Does it require some level of rationalization at times? Fuck yes. But I feel like I'm doing the best I can within reason.
I live in Florida, so there is essentially nowhere I could buy food without compromising on some level. Publix, Wal-Mart, Whole Foods, Target: all are problematic. I'm not prepared to start homesteading or something like that. And it's just not realistic to get all my food from small local farms that I know to be politically ethical. The choice I can live with is to pick my poison, but pick it carefully. Rather than spreading my spending power across all the companies, I feel better about fully boycotting some and just allowing myself others. Maybe it's a delusion, but I feel like there's more chance of a boycott being felt if it is concentrated in one place. And it also forces me to be constantly aware of the places I am not shopping, and I feel like that keeps me cognizant, which helps me sleep at night. So all this to say: I choose Amazon/Whole Foods. I don't set foot in the others (and Target was a hard breakup at first but now it's the cringiest ex ever). When possible, I still try to shop local and support small businesses (and I will pay a bit more to do so), but I'm not rearranging my whole life around that. I don't feel great about it, but I feel like it was a measured choice and one I can live with. I would love to hear your thoughts.
God, I love this conversation. And I want to interject here that I heard Angela Davis speak last night and one of the things she talked about was her somewhat recent small act of rebellion in not using plastic water bottles. Which is challenging, but she took it on. Along with bigger acts of rebellion too, of course. And then it was funny because she mentioned how at speaking engagements when she says she doesn't want any plastic water bottles the organizers will often offer to pour it from the water bottle into a cup for her haha. She's amazing, as we know.
HOMESTEADING! LOL!!! Love it. I feel that need to be hypervigilant as well, but the truth is that exploitation of workers (both those who make the products abroad and the minimum wage workers in stores) is ubiquitous. It's true. We need to have a life. I read something when taking notes for this essay that it will only be laws that can effect change for these things. Individual consumer boycotts will never be enough.
This:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/14/opinion/trump-welfare-medicaid-requirements.html
And This (for starters):
https://www.facebook.com/njrobinson/posts/if-you-send-us-proof-of-cancelation-of-your-new-york-times-subscription-send-to-/10173768176540599/
Oh for me that is not an issue at all! (In fact, quite the opposite). I think NYT makes a clear distinction between Opinion Essays published as such, and information identified as news reporting. I very much disagree with censorship, and I don't like the idea of viewpoints being outright silenced. I do NOT think misinformation should be labeled as fact, so I need to trust my news sources that they have appropriately fact-checked their reporting and are using credible sources. But I would not actually want them to refuse to publish opinion pieces, even if I find those opinions absurd. I am interested in hearing what people believe. It's just important to make a distinction between Opinion and Reporting, which I feel NYT does very well.
Yes, you have a very good point here. I was so disgusted with that op-ed though. I go back and forth with different things...like quitting Amazon and then going back into easy and cheap shopping there. And also, cotton, coffee, all the things that exploit laborers and child laborers…the hole gets deeper and darker the more I think. The Boston Globe does the same thing with some nasty op-eds, but I still subscribe to them because I like to comment in the “Metro” section about teacher issues and local concerns I have.
OMG same! I've been on the wagon for my longest stretch now, since the irony of their slogan ("Democracy Dies In Darkness") truly clicked.
Right??? But Carolyn Hax...
Ugh. Yeah, I've always loved her voice, but MAGA has cost me more poignant casualties than Carolyn Hax. She has a solid following and if she chooses to jump platforms, she'll have an audience. But the longer she chooses to accept her paycheck at the expense of fascism, the less likely I am to want to read her words in the future. At this point, anyone who's not acting/speaking against it is for it; there is no longer room for neutral silence.
I need to look up who that is!
They've finally embraced darkness and mortality!!! LOL One of my all time favorite movies is "All the President's Men" (with Jason Robards as Ben Bradlee!!!!), and those were very different times for that paper, to say the least.
ANTM please, all day every day.
I answered this before, but it didn't show up so if you get this twice, it's true both times:
Will do, Susie! Thank you for voting and ANTM tales coming right up!
I want the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories! I get it, though—it can sometimes feel like piggy-backing, but I think it's more about how small and connected the world is. I've been grappling with this for a week with the ongoing "discourse" about Lindy West's book. I had an incident with her and her husband two years ago that makes their reaction to the discourse unsurprising. I've mentioned it in a few discussions, where I thought it seemed to fit, but it all feels a little ick. But life is a little ick most of the time.
Can't wait to read Jenn's piece after doing some writing I've been procrastinating!
Thanks and likewise! I've been seeing references to your encounter with Lindy, but I don't completely understand it and would like to. That's probably because I don't feel completely up on what this controversy is around her book and husband, etc either. So I'm behind overall if anyone wants to fill me in!
The “discourse” about Lindy: Her new book discusses how her husband cheated on her and used coercive tactics (an ultimatum) to get her to agree to a nonmonogamous marriage. He moved a much thinner, more conventionally attractive partner into their home. Readers are flipping out because Lindy gives a small bit at the end of the book that says she’s happy with their arrangement, but the bulk of the book is about her pain in the marriage. When people question this online, she and her husband have been leaving mean comments and emails. Her husband sent a particularly vicious email to a writer/podcaster at Slate. Of course, people are posting these responses and it’s not going well for the throuple.
My incident happened two years ago. Lindy did a speaking engagement at a dinner in St. Louis for a non-profit’s biggest donors. They gave her a room at the local Ritz, which is in a part of town that’s very quiet on weekends. On Sunday morning, while walking the neighborhood and posting photos on Instagram, she was making fun of how boring it was. Along with several other locals, I suggested that maybe she should venture beyond the most bougie part of town to where the fun things happen. She went off on me like I’d suggested she skinny-dip in the Mississippi (not advisable). I saw a couple of her responses, which were super snarky, so I blocked her. Which, yeah, hurt because I had been a fan of hers from her Jezebel days until that morning. As a fat woman who came up through the alt weekly world, I related to so much of her work and loved her writing.
But then it got truly weird. Her husband and a bunch of people in her realm started viewing my Instagram Stories and commenting on old posts. I had to block a lot of strangers that day. It was a massive over-reaction to a pretty tame response to her acting … not great.
Ok woah woah and woah. I can somewhat relate to her initial defensive reaction. If you said she was staying in the bougie part of town and should venture out, she could have thought you were being snarky about her even if you weren't. But then the next steps they took sound so petty and so overblown and odd. Everything I know about her I've always really liked and think she has a lot more important things to spend her time and mind on so this is surprising. And I'm sorry it happened!
Oh I totally can see how she might have taken my comment as being snarky. It wasn’t, but it also wasn’t like a super-helpful guide to St. Louis neighborhoods. I was polite but … terse, maybe? Her first response was immediate and defensive. I replied that she was being kind of a jerk about a place and situation she was in due to the good graces of a non-profit that paid a lot to have her there. Straightforward, but it really bothered me that she was being so shitty about living the writing dream life, and I didn’t conceal those emotions. Her next response was a straight up dig at me, and that’s when I decided to block her. I had my say and didn’t care to continue. I was bummed that a writer I admired was being such an ick person. And by then the husband was in my Stories, so …
You should hear my Lindy story!
OK, tell it to us.
I will tell it to you privately. I don't want my name out there associated with the Lindy West discourse. But it's pretty crazy.
I'm at an event and it's all I can do not to sneak off and read this on my phone, but I'm not going to be rude and I'll read it later. Thank you!
Yikes on bikes (them, not you).
I begged for the details only to discover you already posted them! 🤠
That sounds really shitty. I'm sorry. It sucks when people you look up to act like asshats.
I would have appreciated that a local was giving me suggestions for cool places to visit in a strange town, but that's just me.
My guess is that she really loves this dude and is maybe a little bit miserable sharing him with another. Perhaps that misery is coming out in weird inappropriate ways and onto undeserving people? I'm betting we'll get a follow up memoir someday about this time period of her life and the things she did that she regrets once she leaves him, or he leaves her. I'm no prude, but those situations need a delicate balance and some rock solid communication skills to work, and it sounds like maybe it's the husband having sex with them, but they aren't involved with each other? See...now I want to read the book! 😐
But I promise to get it from the library so I'm not giving money to someone who's been a jerk to you!
I posted more details! 😹 And by all means, buy her book if you’re inclined! Even though she’s not a delightful person she’s still a talented writer.
I travel a lot, and my Substack is dedicated to travel writing. I love it when the locals fill me in. My current post is about lovely encounters I had with strangers in New Orleans last week. I’ve been to plenty of cities that didn’t impress me, but bitching about them on social media isn’t even an option as far as I’m concerned.
I’ve been non monogamous for fourteen years, and I have the same predictions as you for her next book. That’s the other thing that got to me—the parts of the book I’ve read and what West and Co. have been saying and posting reminds me of SO many women I’ve met who are in poly relationships mostly to please their men. And it’s not empowering. It’s sad. And he definitely reminds me of the manipulative, abusive men in those relationships.
New Orleans is one of my favorite places on Earth, so I'll definitely go read your post about it. I usually go every year in April, mostly to attend a film festival that celebrates horror movies, but an added bonus has been a puppet festival that also occurs each April around the same time. I wouldn't say that I love EVERY show I've seen, but the ones that were good were really good. Plus it's just a throwback to the 90s for me, or at least that's what it feels like. I'm sad to miss it this year, but hopefully I'll get back there soon.
I love New Orleans so much! I go at least once a year, usually more if I can swing it. My next piece here is about getting the world’s dumbest tramp stamp on a whim in New Orleans.
New Orleans + puppets = Miss Pussycat! I’m 98% certain you’ll know who I’m talking about.
I need to look up that book. Also, I was SO looking forward to Ryan Murphy's Love Story on FX about JFK Jr. and CBK. But the characters are poorly written. It's terribly boring. I did end up buying that CBK Face Stockholm Cranberry Veil lipstick though. I'm a sucker!
I went to the premier and party for love story here in New York before it came out so I watched that episode. I enjoyed what I saw but my wonderful friend is one of the producers so I have to support regardless. I did take one of the fake cigarette props they had at the premier party (along with pairs of black sunglasses placed on the tables throughout the venue) and I find it very satisfying to fake smoke with it.
WOW - awesome! I LOVE Ryan Murphy. I guess my expectations were just so high for it after the other FX shows he's done with Joan Crawford and Truman Capote. SO HILARIOUS about that fake smoking...and did you get those oval CBK sunglasses? They're terrific! All the smoking made me want to buy a pack (after being a smoker for a few years like '95 - '02 chain smoking, and then tapering off until 2007), but I know I would choke on it now. The styling was very good...my favorite character was Calvin Klein and a whole production about his story would be a great thing for FX to take on if they had the same actors portraying him and his ex-wife. I mean, not that anyone's asking me. LOL.
I got to spend time there with Alessandro Nivola who played Calvin (I'm so glad you think it was as brilliant a performance as I do) who I've known for decades and decades, but haven't seen in ages so that was really a fun reunion. And I didn't steal any of the sunglasses, just the cigarette. They also had really good filet mignon so I positioned myself where the caterers were exiting the kitchen and got four plates for myself. (they were appetizer plates) and yum.
Also, absolutely no problem ever critiquing my work here or that of someone I know. That's all great and productive. I just wanted to point out that I couldn't even be objective on this one. Xo
Oh, I know that with you! You HAVE TO support your friends, no matter what…I mean, unless they do MAGA workouts and crazy stuff like that! Alessandro WAS absolutely brilliant. He stood out, and I loved the writing for him. I need to look up what else he’s done! I wanted to buy me some CK One…and probably will next paycheck. That was referenced in the show. I always buy stuff after I see it on TV.
“… burned my ass like the devil’s pitchfork.”😭
I get it. Especially when there’s this pseudo-fantasy of a “relationship,” there’d be a sense of attachment and loss. Ultimately you found a way out.
An old friend of mine used to say, “when the pain gets bad enough, you’ll do something about it.” I’ve found that it applies to almost anything—and it certainly seems to apply here. If you feel a deep need to somehow make a theoretical amends by contributing what I assume is a significant amount of money over the course of this ordeal, then nobody is going to stop you. But in my opinion it’s unnecessary. You’ve already been doing much more with your work and dedication to opposing these fucking shitbags than what fraction of $40/month might have actually translated from Mary Helen to some kind of GOP-supported BS could have ever achieved.
What your friend used to say reminds me of another thing I've heard – often tied to addictive behaviors or bad relationships - "when the pain gets worse than the fear of change is when you will make the change".
And thanks for everything you said to Jenn
That’s definitely my story, thanks for sharing this quote. What a change it’s been!
Ooh - that's a good one!
Ha! Yeah, I had some fun writing this, despite my shame! I really like this quotation from your friend. It also made me think about my heavy drinking days...I didn't worship alcohol. It was all about not wanting to feel pain. And thank you so much for your kind words. <3
Thank you a million times for reminding me that I unwittingly picked the right voice to support almost 40 years ago. I always felt "heard" by JP's publications and this piece is possibly the most important one of all. I was braced to come into the comments and see "not everyone agrees with you but only the left rejects people who don't, hope this helps!" or "hard lesson that the first amendment also applies to people you don't agree with hmm?". Fuck all that bullshit.
Oh crap, Jane, are we allowed to swear here??
You are not only allowed to swear here, but encouraged – especially at times like these! I'm going to embarrass myself by telling you that I literally put my fist in the air as I read your comment. I'm so happy that you found me initially, that we are still united now and that we've gotten even clearer about what's important with age!
Also, I mentioned this on a Substack note, but a lot of people unsubscribed when I posted this today. Fuck 'em.
😨 That's...wow. Fuck em indeed. My guess is they didn't read the article itself, just the title. I'm not interested in a puritanical existence, not from either direction.
I am glad that Jane published this with a highly controversial title!!!! I am about to put it on my social media...and wonder who will read it and who will assume!! Friendship Test?!?! LOL
They weren’t meant to be here in the first place.
While I have little patience for Trump supporters who are now changing sides and expecting to be welcomed with open arms, it’s wild that people are cancelling subscriptions over this piece. I’m betting they didn’t read beyond the headline.
Really? Damn. I'm sorry and/or that's crazy. But not surprising perhaps?
Oh wow - thank you! I am WAYYYY left, but then...everyone commits some kind of hypocrisy. Like accepting a very good paycheck to serve people from families that aren't making anywhere near the kind of money they deserve...or teaching children a language of colonizers and working in a system that forces them to devalue their home language. I struggle with these things everyday.
This. Your honesty about all this is why I love this space.
Yes, me too. Jane is so wonderful at accepting our stories for what they are. And these essays would never be published in the conservative (not Republican, but cowardly is what I mean) mainstream media. I have been a reader since Sassy and especially Jane mag in high school. If you ever told me I would write for her, I never would’ve believed it! 💕
DITTO. And i’m a dancer too! love your teacher fits.
Aww thanks! I try! No one really "gets" them here, but sometimes my students say I look nice.
Jane, Pilates is incredibly safe and infinitely modifiable throughout pregnancy and beyond. Let me know when you’re ready to try it again, and I’ll ensure you have the best possible instructor. As a long-time practitioner, triple-certified instructor, studio owner and national educator, I believe it’s the best and most fun way to move your body in an exercise context.
(And also an OG Sassy reader and person who had an illustration of Mary Timony from an early Jane issue on the bathroom wall at my parents’ house for like… a decade?)
Oh wow, I have so much to talk to you about! I started Pilates because Christina Kelly tried it for an "athletic guinea pig" story for one of jane Magazine's earliest issues and she wrote that whe didn't like it as much as yoga. So the owner invited me to come and try it and I love love loved it from the very beginning. I practiced with this person and her team at her studio in TribecA for the next 30 years minus a seven year or so break for my daughter– which I now understand from you was misguided. It is still my favorite form of exercise. Probably having danced when I was young, it just makes a lot of sense for me and feels like I'm doing something good for my body rather than punishing it. But speaking of punishing, the owner of that Pilates studio ended up screwing over me and a lot of other people so I have not found my new place yet. Help me out! Thank you so so much for being here and for weighing in! I know you probably weren't expecting this on slot back. But thank you.
Where would you like to practice, neighborhood-wise? Private or group?
Wow - that's insane! Pilates is my favorite too, even better than yoga, except for one teacher at my gym who focuses so deeply on alignment. Her class is pilates-esque in that way. I am so sorry that happened. Awful. I have also started going to more cardio dance recently. Even when the music is very corny, I just don't care anymore. The dancing feels so good. I would take an adult ballet class, but the ones around here are at inconvenient times.
I'm sorry for your loss, it's for sure like a breakup and losing a relationship because you found out the person has been harboring deep dark secrets. I spent ages finding someone whose app I like (she's in the UK) for weight lifting over 50 and if she was evil I don't know what I would do. Ok to just not do my research b/c there are so few right leaning Brits? Feel free to shoot me a message if you want her app name, she's fantastic.
It reminds me of so many people who still give money to the Harry Potter franchise..and I have a lot of friends who still give that franchise money. I have a young child and I'm still on the fence with that choice.
Thanks! Yes, I felt absolutely betrayed...and very dumb for not knowing, even though you can look her up and see there was a big article about it a few years ago in Harper's, I think? About how all her friends felt betrayed by her for the same reason. I have found some good YouTube things...Yoga with Kassandra is pretty good. But it's really not the same. And I've been trying a bigger variety of classes at my gym. Oh yeah, Harry Potter. I was never into that! But there are so many good books out for kids these days. What age?
I choose to work out in my basement during a time of day when I would never leave the house (~5AM) b/c it is the only time I have found that I can....so at home is key for me. I'll have to look up Yoga with Kassandra. My son is 8, and we're into a lot of graphic novels right now, so not ready for books without any images yet. If he organically chooses Harry Potter then we'll see.
My husband and I have taught him that then man that makes Tesla is evil and tried to take way his free school lunches...so that was a win! Now he booos cyber trucks when he sees them driving.
Yes - time can be tight! Boho Beautiful is also a good one…and the 90s Cindy Crawford workout too. Oh my students (I teach 7th-12th this year) LOVE graphic novels…but the ones for teens. The other day, my youngest daughter and I saw an ad for a Dogman show in the theater district here in Boston. And damn I hate Teslas - but when people around here try to sell them used, they can’t find buyers now because of Elon!
My god, what an opening sentence. Fantastic.
And what a fantastic comment. Thank you!
LOL! I went for leaning into the disgusting here!
We are all imperfect humans just trying to live. I'm queer, my partner is non-binary and neuro-spicy runs rampant in our house. We do our best to keep up and keep left but it can be exhausting. The list of places we don't shop at and businesses we don't support is ever growing. We call our Congress people (though I live in Florida so it's basically pointless), send the emails and have gone to the protests. We do what we can do, while also acknowledging that we live in a capitalist hellscape designed to keep us broke and distracted.
There will always be people who want you to "do more" and while it's important that we all do something, no one can do everything. When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that joy is a form of resistance and for me, that looks like enjoying the occasional homophobic chicken sandwich and playing the NYT crossword puzzle.
"Homophobic chicken sandwich"
Thank you! And for the rest of your insightful comment also.
Your comment is so affirming...this was a really embarrassing thing to write, but I grew up Catholic, and the confession made by getting this out there feels cleansing (even though I would NEVER go to the Catholic church now).
It makes me feel good to hear from you - my family and friends are the same with the lists and the e-mails and all that. But you put it so well: "a capitalist hellscape designed to keep us broke and distracted".
You are so funny to - homophobic chicken. Yup - I know exactly what brand you're saying.
What's funny is that I also grew up Catholic and still go to church on the odd occasion. One of my best friends goes to Mass every morning. Perhaps it's because my Dad went to Jesuit schools his whole life, we went to more liberal(ish)-leaning, pro-education, Catholic churches. I deeply believe in a woman's right to choose, think pdf priests should go to jail, and gay people should be allowed to marry. AND, I also think of the Church as a very old, very large ship and it will take a long time to turn. Also, patriarchy ruins everything!
I respect others who don't want to participate in Church for all of the harm it has caused and I can also hold space for the people who do show up and are trying to make change from the inside. We do need both to happen.
One thing I've learned as I'm aging (I'm about to turn 48) is that binary thinking is often what gets us into trouble because it leaves no space for nuance and nuance is where our humanity lives.
I absolutely loved Catholic school, and the Catholic education I received from K-3. I was very privileged to go to Trinity in Elkridge, Maryland, and our principal was a nun and all the staff were women. I had a tough time getting used to public school socially. I begged to go to the Catholic high school that was later featured in the devastating documentary The Keepers.
One of my favorite authors in Mary Karr. I also love Memories of a Catholic Girlhood by Mary McCarthy.
I think the memorization, the rituals...it was all very comforting, though the hymns are pretty awful musically, or maybe the people in our parish were tone-deaf.
I feel very mournful about the abuse and most of all the cover up. I wish I could go back because Catholic Charities does so much for my students and there was a belief taught in my elementary school about giving back. The Catholic church really supports immigrants, the most appreciative t population in the US. I love love love my career. The families are very respectful, and the students love to learn (overall).
Some of my Haitian students attended Jesuit schools in Haiti, and they are the ones most prepared with academic skills. Many of those students go from beginners right to high intermediate in one year.
From one of the (if not THE) first people to leave the WAPO in protest, and my first paid substack subscription.
https://geneweingarten.substack.com/p/giving-the-bird?triedRedirect=true
I am so THRILLED about this. I am proud to know you and subscribing to yours right now too.
I also encourage everyone here to click on that link and read your amazing post. Brilliant headline also.
Jane - I don’t mean to be greedy, but would love to read both the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories!
Jenn - thank you for your funny and honest piece, and I’m sorry about the breakup! Love the link you made between perception of physical appearance and a misalignment in morals, I think that the quiet misery we feel when we don’t stand ten toes down (maybe eight or nine toes on an off day) for our beliefs totally impacts our appearance, or at least our perception of it.
Not greedy at all and thanks for the input. And what a beautiful end line in your note to Jenn, such a great point and so eloquently stated!
PS
I got your email and I'm still all into the idea. I just have to hear back from our amazing Leith.
Can’t wait for either (or both) of those juicy stories.
Re your PS- heard, and thank you!
Yay I'm so glad you got my response!
Hi Sonia: Thank you for reading. It’s hard to feel good as a hypocrite to that degree. I found an okay ballet stretch video yesterday that was reminiscent of BB - Everyday Ballet. Not as sleek, but my legs felt long after. I’m back in the “dating world” re: fitness videos! And I love a good celeb story - so bring on ANTM and JFK, Jr!
Thanks for the feedback! And this whole comment thread has led me to look at getting back into Pilates, which was my favorite form of exercise after dance for about 30 years. (With the gracious help of KCD another AJ PT community member who is hooking me up.)So I'm truly truly grateful for that also. And it will be taught by someone whose ethics I agree with, because I actually looked into their background thanks to your story and because if I can make that choice in terms of what to support, I sure as hell will.
Nice! I went to a Pilates Mat class at my gym this morning after not going in awhile, and I feel soooo good. And that teacher is def not a MAGA lady. Pilates is truly the best form of exercise. And yes Ethics. Glad you got hooked up!!!
I’m still aching from Pilates this morning, maybe I’ll try out Everyday Ballet to get me stretched out tomorrow! Wishing you luck on your fitness instructor dating journey.
JFK Jr.!!! Also I am amazed at how easy it is for things like what's happened in this story to happen. I think it’s a vacuum of community, in part.
Mad props to the author for making substantive changes. That's so hard.
What an excellent point about vacuum of community and how it can lead to this kind of inadvertent supporting.
I count on my engaged and activist friends to let me know when there's anything I need to take a look at and thank God for that.
Thank you so much for reading. It felt so good to cut it off in the end, and I’ve been doing some new classes at the gym - like cardio dance and more yoga. I have gained like 5 pounds, but I am determined to lose it again.
Jenn! This was so smart and witty and devastating. I’m sorry she turned out to be married to someone evil and also wonder how a mother can sleep at night knowing she’s dooming families to mental and physical torment. Good for you for stepping away and for sharing what you learned. I believe every little and big step counts. Now hopefully when people Google her your essay will come up!
Thank you for reading, Rachel! <3 Yes, it's totally insane, and I wish I had never read wikipedia, but now on her Instagram, she is really MAGA-ing it. Which wasn't the case before. Oh, I wonder if that will happen with the Google-ing. It was a bad break-up, but it needed to happen, y'know!
This is really excellent, Jenn! It’s so disappointing and sometimes heartbreaking to find out someone whose work you admire supports this nightmare.
For many years I worked for Phyllis Schlafly’s daughter/head of her PAC. My job didn’t involve promoting her gross beliefs—I taught cooking classes at her gourmet shop/cooking school. I always looked at it this way: the money she paid me was often spent in ways that diametrically opposed her right-wing agenda. So, the strength you gained from the videos is being used to counteract the anti-migrant bullshit. And it’s being used to raise your kids to be good people.
Thank you for reading! Yes - it really was heartbreaking. And I will NEVER stop re-watching Black Swan every year or so. I am planning to get tickets to the American Repertory Theater production. I think it's going to be totally insane to see how they adapt it for the stage, especially the ending: https://americanrepertorytheater.org/shows-events/black-swan/
Ooh, Phyllis Schlafly - did you see that scene in Mrs. Maisel that referenced her?
And yes, I thought about that too - building muscles to fight the power! But I'm on to less devastating workouts!
I never watched ANTM so I’m going to say the JFK Jr. story is my pick, Jane.