My sick secret was not only my exercise addiction. It was how that sucked me in to support the GOP - financially and otherwise - and then not be able to stop. Can you see my side?
I get it. Especially when there’s this pseudo-fantasy of a “relationship,” there’d be a sense of attachment and loss. Ultimately you found a way out.
An old friend of mine used to say, “when the pain gets bad enough, you’ll do something about it.” I’ve found that it applies to almost anything—and it certainly seems to apply here. If you feel a deep need to somehow make a theoretical amends by contributing what I assume is a significant amount of money over the course of this ordeal, then nobody is going to stop you. But in my opinion it’s unnecessary. You’ve already been doing much more with your work and dedication to opposing these fucking shitbags than what fraction of $40/month might have actually translated from Mary Helen to some kind of GOP-supported BS could have ever achieved.
What your friend used to say reminds me of another thing I've heard – often tied to addictive behaviors or bad relationships - "when the pain gets worse than the fear of change is when you will make the change".
I'm sorry for your loss, it's for sure like a breakup and losing a relationship because you found out the person has been harboring deep dark secrets. I spent ages finding someone whose app I like (she's in the UK) for weight lifting over 50 and if she was evil I don't know what I would do. Ok to just not do my research b/c there are so few right leaning Brits? Feel free to shoot me a message if you want her app name, she's fantastic.
It reminds me of so many people who still give money to the Harry Potter franchise..and I have a lot of friends who still give that franchise money. I have a young child and I'm still on the fence with that choice.
I want the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories! I get it, though—it can sometimes feel like piggy-backing, but I think it's more about how small and connected the world is. I've been grappling with this for a week with the ongoing "discourse" about Lindy West's book. I had an incident with her and her husband two years ago that makes their reaction to the discourse unsurprising. I've mentioned it in a few discussions, where I thought it seemed to fit, but it all feels a little ick. But life is a little ick most of the time.
Can't wait to read Jenn's piece after doing some writing I've been procrastinating!
Thanks and likewise! I've been seeing references to your encounter with Lindy, but I don't completely understand it and would like to. That's probably because I don't feel completely up on what this controversy is around her book and husband, etc either. So I'm behind overall if anyone wants to fill me in!
The “discourse” about Lindy: Her new book discusses how her husband cheated on her and used coercive tactics (an ultimatum) to get her to agree to a nonmonogamous marriage. He moved a much thinner, more conventionally attractive partner into their home. Readers are flipping out because Lindy gives a small bit at the end of the book that says she’s happy with their arrangement, but the bulk of the book is about her pain in the marriage. When people question this online, she and her husband have been leaving mean comments and emails. Her husband sent a particularly vicious email to a writer/podcaster at Slate. Of course, people are posting these responses and it’s not going well for the throuple.
My incident happened two years ago. Lindy did a speaking engagement at a dinner in St. Louis for a non-profit’s biggest donors. They gave her a room at the local Ritz, which is in a part of town that’s very quiet on weekends. On Sunday morning, while walking the neighborhood and posting photos on Instagram, she was making fun of how boring it was. Along with several other locals, I suggested that maybe she should venture beyond the most bougie part of town to where the fun things happen. She went off on me like I’d suggested she skinny-dip in the Mississippi (not advisable). I saw a couple of her responses, which were super snarky, so I blocked her. Which, yeah, hurt because I had been a fan of hers from her Jezebel days until that morning. As a fat woman who came up through the alt weekly world, I related to so much of her work and loved her writing.
But then it got truly weird. Her husband and a bunch of people in her realm started viewing my Instagram Stories and commenting on old posts. I had to block a lot of strangers that day. It was a massive over-reaction to a pretty tame response to her acting … not great.
“… burned my ass like the devil’s pitchfork.”😭
I get it. Especially when there’s this pseudo-fantasy of a “relationship,” there’d be a sense of attachment and loss. Ultimately you found a way out.
An old friend of mine used to say, “when the pain gets bad enough, you’ll do something about it.” I’ve found that it applies to almost anything—and it certainly seems to apply here. If you feel a deep need to somehow make a theoretical amends by contributing what I assume is a significant amount of money over the course of this ordeal, then nobody is going to stop you. But in my opinion it’s unnecessary. You’ve already been doing much more with your work and dedication to opposing these fucking shitbags than what fraction of $40/month might have actually translated from Mary Helen to some kind of GOP-supported BS could have ever achieved.
What your friend used to say reminds me of another thing I've heard – often tied to addictive behaviors or bad relationships - "when the pain gets worse than the fear of change is when you will make the change".
And thanks for everything you said to Jenn
ANTM please, all day every day.
I answered this before, but it didn't show up so if you get this twice, it's true both times:
Will do, Susie! Thank you for voting and ANTM tales coming right up!
My god, what an opening sentence. Fantastic.
I have unsubscribed and then resubscribed to the Washington Post six or seven times now, so I think I can relate to this a little?
I'm sorry for your loss, it's for sure like a breakup and losing a relationship because you found out the person has been harboring deep dark secrets. I spent ages finding someone whose app I like (she's in the UK) for weight lifting over 50 and if she was evil I don't know what I would do. Ok to just not do my research b/c there are so few right leaning Brits? Feel free to shoot me a message if you want her app name, she's fantastic.
It reminds me of so many people who still give money to the Harry Potter franchise..and I have a lot of friends who still give that franchise money. I have a young child and I'm still on the fence with that choice.
I want the ANTM and JFK Jr. stories! I get it, though—it can sometimes feel like piggy-backing, but I think it's more about how small and connected the world is. I've been grappling with this for a week with the ongoing "discourse" about Lindy West's book. I had an incident with her and her husband two years ago that makes their reaction to the discourse unsurprising. I've mentioned it in a few discussions, where I thought it seemed to fit, but it all feels a little ick. But life is a little ick most of the time.
Can't wait to read Jenn's piece after doing some writing I've been procrastinating!
Thanks and likewise! I've been seeing references to your encounter with Lindy, but I don't completely understand it and would like to. That's probably because I don't feel completely up on what this controversy is around her book and husband, etc either. So I'm behind overall if anyone wants to fill me in!
The “discourse” about Lindy: Her new book discusses how her husband cheated on her and used coercive tactics (an ultimatum) to get her to agree to a nonmonogamous marriage. He moved a much thinner, more conventionally attractive partner into their home. Readers are flipping out because Lindy gives a small bit at the end of the book that says she’s happy with their arrangement, but the bulk of the book is about her pain in the marriage. When people question this online, she and her husband have been leaving mean comments and emails. Her husband sent a particularly vicious email to a writer/podcaster at Slate. Of course, people are posting these responses and it’s not going well for the throuple.
My incident happened two years ago. Lindy did a speaking engagement at a dinner in St. Louis for a non-profit’s biggest donors. They gave her a room at the local Ritz, which is in a part of town that’s very quiet on weekends. On Sunday morning, while walking the neighborhood and posting photos on Instagram, she was making fun of how boring it was. Along with several other locals, I suggested that maybe she should venture beyond the most bougie part of town to where the fun things happen. She went off on me like I’d suggested she skinny-dip in the Mississippi (not advisable). I saw a couple of her responses, which were super snarky, so I blocked her. Which, yeah, hurt because I had been a fan of hers from her Jezebel days until that morning. As a fat woman who came up through the alt weekly world, I related to so much of her work and loved her writing.
But then it got truly weird. Her husband and a bunch of people in her realm started viewing my Instagram Stories and commenting on old posts. I had to block a lot of strangers that day. It was a massive over-reaction to a pretty tame response to her acting … not great.