Sammi, I know it took me a few months to publish this and I really thank you for waiting. I love your writing so much and I can assuredly say that the flawless flow of the story that you tell here is unlike any It Happened To Me I have ever published (we could do the math of roughly 1 per month for 20 years and then about 1 a week for 20 more years - in other words, a lot!).
Thank you for telling it in such a beautiful way and letting me be the one to publish it. Please keep writing and writing.
Great essay, Sammi. There's definitely something different when someone talks to us from a place of recognition, rather than a place of judgement. I can easily see how you were able to receive her words about breaking up with Cliff with the meaning she intended.
This story has a lovely calm that I really enjoyed. Sometimes these pieces have a desperate manic quality that is exhausting to read. This one is different. Sammi’s perspective, I imagine, was hard earned. Though you have moved past the years of “youthful joy,” Sammi, you seem to have found (or nurtured) something more solid.
I am still thinking about this critique (which I LOVE getting always!) and I am wondering if you or the people who liked it could be more specific. I think we can keep it diplomatic and every writer knows that not everyone responds to their writing style.I would want to know if you were referring to my story (and I see your note below calling my writing bubbly, which I thoroughly get). If you or anyone wants to give me notes on any writing on AJPT, it is encouraged, and feel free to be specific. I - and I think all of us - can take it and learn from it. Which stories irked you? Which stories have stuck with you in a positive way? Which stories did you read twice or not read? I would love to hear more. And if you just don't give anything on the site nearly this much thought, I get that too.
Thanks for this and for the critiques of all of the exhausting pieces. I think my writing is the most manic of all, so I gladly accept the feedback, though that may never change.
Sincere thanks always for reading and commenting and being such a thoughtful part of this thing. Xo
Hi! Jane, I don't think your writing style is manic. Well, maybe hyper. But yes, bubbly! As I said, that's appropriate for your host role. But I've thought a lot about why I stop reading some AJPT stories before they end, and why I feel exhausted by some that I do finish.
First of all, I read them on my phone, on the subway coming home from work, neither of which are great environments for a close read. Second, maybe I just don't love confessional stories, and that's what you have invited people to contribute.
Third (are you regretting asking?), there is the idea that people dislike their "shadow self," something that reminds them of what they don't like or regret about themselves. There was a time when I cultivated a personality that "ran hot." I delighted in my own intensity and didn't hesitate to lavish it on others. A couple of friends who I loved and trusted called me on it, pretty gently, as I recall: "You don't always have to do the Ingrid Show," one said. "I'll still like you."
Fourth, (now I know you are wishing you'd never asked), some 20 years after the Ingrid Show peaked, I have quieted down. So has my writing. I don't write personal essays anymore. Maybe I have nothing left to confess. I work hard on writing short pieces about writers, performers, and artists who I admire.
AJPT stories that I really liked: the "dumb tramp stamp" story made me laugh, and I loved that the writer seems to like herself A LOT. She called herself "a rough and tumble ten-year-old" at heart and I agree. And I liked the one about the woman who made her own clothes and shoes for many reasons, among them that she questioned her own consumerism and did something about it. And worked at it for 12 years.
So...enough from me! Let's keep the conversation going.
Those are beautiful choices and I hope this inspires other readers to name the posts they have liked most here also.
The amazing piece on making her own clothes (and shoes!) was the product of a life's work and that doesn't come along often but it is such a massive gift when it does.
One thing I have always loved - and a key way that I have edited since pre-Sassy - is not editing writers to make them more likable or palatable. I love reading a piece and seeing for myself what I hope that person will learn. I ran an It Happened To Me here early on by a girl who was bummed about the size of her jeans and I didn't run it because I thought she was a role model. It was more that I thought we and she could learn from what she hadn't yet learned and how universal that was. I remember publishing a fiction piece in Jane magazine by Naomi Campbell and leaving it exactly as written because I found it not necessarily evolved but absolutely revealing. I love as a reader drawing my own opinions of the writing I am reading. I always think that's a key difference between AJPT and some of the other substacks that only publish the most polished, elegant, beautiful thoughtful and completely formulated pieces. I like mine to run the gamut and represent everyone and then for the stories to start a conversation among all of us. I don't mind half finished even because I think it's where a lot of us are.
I could go on and on because this reflects my editing philosophy since day one. Also, as a reader, I enjoy getting riled up and disagreeing with something I'm reading as much as I love agreeing with something I'm reading. Anyway, as I said, there's so much more to say on the topic and I love love love that you raised it. Big bubbly XO
As someone who has had my voice edited right out of a tone of pieces I appreciate this about you. It feels hard to fight with editors because they supposedly know better -- but if your voice is gone, then it feels like you didn’t actually write it.
Thank you!! As an editor, I feel like I work for the writers (and the readers, of course) and this response to my type of editing is what I love to hear. I am here to help you all do your best work ever. I feel the same about photographers and models and anyone I've ever worked with. Letting them be themselves and giving them the help they want to be their best selves, but never to change them. I'm dictating this as I walk because I was so moved by what you said so ignore typos, etc.! Thank you!
It's the way I edit too. We don't want a world where everyone sounds the same. It suppresses the love that is everywhere. I will always take your help to be my best self!
Sammi, I love the photos in your story, and your words. Kids with cameras notice things! You heard her when she told you her experience. She had the wisdom to know you needed her as a person, not as a mom at that point in time. Good for her! What hard won strength you both have.
I love this response and so appreciate you taking the time to say it. I find the photos an incredible part of the story also, and even went back in after it was supposedly final and ready for publication to add in three more photos because there are details in them – like the dad tattoo on Sammy's back – that add so so much to my whole immersive experience with her story. Thank you for noticing and thank you again for the true words about Sammi's incredible piece.
Yes, the dad tattoo was so important to include. He played such a crucial role in the family. The tattoo honors him, and the story....keeping him connected even now to Sammi and her Mom.
What a simply wonderful response. I agree and thank you for saying it here. (Thanks also for being a paid subscriber and supporting writers like Sammi by doing so. I notice and I appreciate it tremendously.)
Janey is a good sign off, but you will definitely want to finesse this as you head toward publication of your book and have to sign 1M copies. It's going to be a bestseller, even if you don't name drop xx
You’re the best and that’s smart. I will go right back to the way I signed all my editor’s notes starting with the first issue of sassy with a mark that looks like a loop of a J and a squiggly line after. Decision made! I'm here for any other advice you have, please. And for you to psychically will my book to be a best seller! (The celebrity names are in it too, for what it's worth.) Thank you!!
I did an advanced pre-order of 200 proofs of my book. Each one we’d made memento bookmarks, I filled pages with doodles and Winne-the Pooh stickers (because I talk to Pooh through my ICU stay when I am mute and high, like my cheddar Jesus) and if I knew the person I wrote a memory of us, and if not, I just wrote a story.
Took me 20-45 minutes per book, and I received teary messages about almost every one.
You take your time and you talk, Jane.
Or else, what’s the point?
This is a world with people longing to be noticed, to feel special and in this case be in the proximity of your life. Now is not the time to give them a squiggle.
Or maybe it is. Impersonal is easy. Caring is harder - but in my mind you are so you because you do always fucking card.
And obviously the green sweatshirt with the light green font is the best, second only to the juxtaposition of the cotton candy pink. There’s a niche group that will recognize the font and be aware of what Sassy we are discussing - is that purposeful in like an underground club way?
I’m being fussy because I am fussy and I was a shirt artist and designer for far too long. And I talk. Because I talk.
And maybe that’s why I’m so vengeful about your gag order. It makes no sense. Or as much sense as saying - let Jane be Jane, but with like 75% less Jane.
What an incredible story, Sammi! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I love hearing how open, honest, and supportive you and your mom are of each other. That's the way it should be! 💖
Nobody will put Jane in the tiny comment box corner.
FLY, you free-spirited unbridled joy, fly!
And I’ll be the bitch in the back of your mind telling you - you’re worth it do the things say the things BE THE YOU -and you can send any criticism to me and I’ll make this exact face 😐
Because where are we? Somewhere names Jane. Who are you? Your mother freaking JANE.
I’ve taken such joy that it shocks people that I won’t tolerate bullshit and roll delighted as a puppy in whatever female slur is hurled at me. The world is a silly place. Girls are this. They can’t be that. Someone the other day in an interview called me an alpha female and I’m not certain why female was needed. Did we assume all alphas were … males?
When my dad was in the hospital this spring my husband overhead the nurses talking, and they said : that daughter is small, but she’s MEAN.
Let’s rewind. This nurse was trying to give my dad pills, and I kept saying no. I said no again. Stop. Finally just knocked the pills out of his hand and slapped the cup away, because he was just rolling his eyes
But my dad wasn’t allowed to have pills because his swallow muscles weren’t fully working yet, nor was he allowed to have water that wasn’t ’thickened.’
Question is-AM I mean? Because if being mean is not being so meek I idly stand by and watch bro nurse try to kill my dads life, I don’t really want that.
For your book you should intersperse paragraphs written by people you’ve argued with over the years that dislike you. The thought of this both is awful and delightful. The drama of it all!
Sammi, I know it took me a few months to publish this and I really thank you for waiting. I love your writing so much and I can assuredly say that the flawless flow of the story that you tell here is unlike any It Happened To Me I have ever published (we could do the math of roughly 1 per month for 20 years and then about 1 a week for 20 more years - in other words, a lot!).
Thank you for telling it in such a beautiful way and letting me be the one to publish it. Please keep writing and writing.
🥹 Thank you, Jane. That means a hell of a lot.
Great essay, Sammi. There's definitely something different when someone talks to us from a place of recognition, rather than a place of judgement. I can easily see how you were able to receive her words about breaking up with Cliff with the meaning she intended.
Well said. (See that economy of words? Aren’t you proud of me?)
Totally. 😉
This story has a lovely calm that I really enjoyed. Sometimes these pieces have a desperate manic quality that is exhausting to read. This one is different. Sammi’s perspective, I imagine, was hard earned. Though you have moved past the years of “youthful joy,” Sammi, you seem to have found (or nurtured) something more solid.
I am still thinking about this critique (which I LOVE getting always!) and I am wondering if you or the people who liked it could be more specific. I think we can keep it diplomatic and every writer knows that not everyone responds to their writing style.I would want to know if you were referring to my story (and I see your note below calling my writing bubbly, which I thoroughly get). If you or anyone wants to give me notes on any writing on AJPT, it is encouraged, and feel free to be specific. I - and I think all of us - can take it and learn from it. Which stories irked you? Which stories have stuck with you in a positive way? Which stories did you read twice or not read? I would love to hear more. And if you just don't give anything on the site nearly this much thought, I get that too.
I wrote a long reply that didn’t get posted! I’ll try and recreate it tonight after work.
That same thing happened to me yesterday! Thanks for taking the time to re-create it whenever you do.
Oh but it is posted somewhere, because you just liked it.
I'm reading it somewhere right now!
If only we could just pass notes
Agree!!!!!
Thanks for this and for the critiques of all of the exhausting pieces. I think my writing is the most manic of all, so I gladly accept the feedback, though that may never change.
Sincere thanks always for reading and commenting and being such a thoughtful part of this thing. Xo
Naw I would not call your writing manic, just bubbly! Appropriate since you are the host. It’s been fun watching the site evolve.
I really love getting your feedback - it definitely affects the evolution of the site, too, so I feel like we're in this together. Thanks for that!
Thank you so much for reading and for your kindness 🫶
Hi! Jane, I don't think your writing style is manic. Well, maybe hyper. But yes, bubbly! As I said, that's appropriate for your host role. But I've thought a lot about why I stop reading some AJPT stories before they end, and why I feel exhausted by some that I do finish.
First of all, I read them on my phone, on the subway coming home from work, neither of which are great environments for a close read. Second, maybe I just don't love confessional stories, and that's what you have invited people to contribute.
Third (are you regretting asking?), there is the idea that people dislike their "shadow self," something that reminds them of what they don't like or regret about themselves. There was a time when I cultivated a personality that "ran hot." I delighted in my own intensity and didn't hesitate to lavish it on others. A couple of friends who I loved and trusted called me on it, pretty gently, as I recall: "You don't always have to do the Ingrid Show," one said. "I'll still like you."
Fourth, (now I know you are wishing you'd never asked), some 20 years after the Ingrid Show peaked, I have quieted down. So has my writing. I don't write personal essays anymore. Maybe I have nothing left to confess. I work hard on writing short pieces about writers, performers, and artists who I admire.
AJPT stories that I really liked: the "dumb tramp stamp" story made me laugh, and I loved that the writer seems to like herself A LOT. She called herself "a rough and tumble ten-year-old" at heart and I agree. And I liked the one about the woman who made her own clothes and shoes for many reasons, among them that she questioned her own consumerism and did something about it. And worked at it for 12 years.
So...enough from me! Let's keep the conversation going.
Those are beautiful choices and I hope this inspires other readers to name the posts they have liked most here also.
The amazing piece on making her own clothes (and shoes!) was the product of a life's work and that doesn't come along often but it is such a massive gift when it does.
One thing I have always loved - and a key way that I have edited since pre-Sassy - is not editing writers to make them more likable or palatable. I love reading a piece and seeing for myself what I hope that person will learn. I ran an It Happened To Me here early on by a girl who was bummed about the size of her jeans and I didn't run it because I thought she was a role model. It was more that I thought we and she could learn from what she hadn't yet learned and how universal that was. I remember publishing a fiction piece in Jane magazine by Naomi Campbell and leaving it exactly as written because I found it not necessarily evolved but absolutely revealing. I love as a reader drawing my own opinions of the writing I am reading. I always think that's a key difference between AJPT and some of the other substacks that only publish the most polished, elegant, beautiful thoughtful and completely formulated pieces. I like mine to run the gamut and represent everyone and then for the stories to start a conversation among all of us. I don't mind half finished even because I think it's where a lot of us are.
I could go on and on because this reflects my editing philosophy since day one. Also, as a reader, I enjoy getting riled up and disagreeing with something I'm reading as much as I love agreeing with something I'm reading. Anyway, as I said, there's so much more to say on the topic and I love love love that you raised it. Big bubbly XO
As someone who has had my voice edited right out of a tone of pieces I appreciate this about you. It feels hard to fight with editors because they supposedly know better -- but if your voice is gone, then it feels like you didn’t actually write it.
Thank you!! As an editor, I feel like I work for the writers (and the readers, of course) and this response to my type of editing is what I love to hear. I am here to help you all do your best work ever. I feel the same about photographers and models and anyone I've ever worked with. Letting them be themselves and giving them the help they want to be their best selves, but never to change them. I'm dictating this as I walk because I was so moved by what you said so ignore typos, etc.! Thank you!
It's the way I edit too. We don't want a world where everyone sounds the same. It suppresses the love that is everywhere. I will always take your help to be my best self!
Sammi, I love the photos in your story, and your words. Kids with cameras notice things! You heard her when she told you her experience. She had the wisdom to know you needed her as a person, not as a mom at that point in time. Good for her! What hard won strength you both have.
Thank you for sharing this piece. Leigh
I love this response and so appreciate you taking the time to say it. I find the photos an incredible part of the story also, and even went back in after it was supposedly final and ready for publication to add in three more photos because there are details in them – like the dad tattoo on Sammy's back – that add so so much to my whole immersive experience with her story. Thank you for noticing and thank you again for the true words about Sammi's incredible piece.
Yes, the dad tattoo was so important to include. He played such a crucial role in the family. The tattoo honors him, and the story....keeping him connected even now to Sammi and her Mom.
Beautiful.
What a simply wonderful response. I agree and thank you for saying it here. (Thanks also for being a paid subscriber and supporting writers like Sammi by doing so. I notice and I appreciate it tremendously.)
Janey is a good sign off, but you will definitely want to finesse this as you head toward publication of your book and have to sign 1M copies. It's going to be a bestseller, even if you don't name drop xx
You’re the best and that’s smart. I will go right back to the way I signed all my editor’s notes starting with the first issue of sassy with a mark that looks like a loop of a J and a squiggly line after. Decision made! I'm here for any other advice you have, please. And for you to psychically will my book to be a best seller! (The celebrity names are in it too, for what it's worth.) Thank you!!
I did an advanced pre-order of 200 proofs of my book. Each one we’d made memento bookmarks, I filled pages with doodles and Winne-the Pooh stickers (because I talk to Pooh through my ICU stay when I am mute and high, like my cheddar Jesus) and if I knew the person I wrote a memory of us, and if not, I just wrote a story.
Took me 20-45 minutes per book, and I received teary messages about almost every one.
You take your time and you talk, Jane.
Or else, what’s the point?
This is a world with people longing to be noticed, to feel special and in this case be in the proximity of your life. Now is not the time to give them a squiggle.
Or maybe it is. Impersonal is easy. Caring is harder - but in my mind you are so you because you do always fucking card.
And obviously the green sweatshirt with the light green font is the best, second only to the juxtaposition of the cotton candy pink. There’s a niche group that will recognize the font and be aware of what Sassy we are discussing - is that purposeful in like an underground club way?
I’m being fussy because I am fussy and I was a shirt artist and designer for far too long. And I talk. Because I talk.
And maybe that’s why I’m so vengeful about your gag order. It makes no sense. Or as much sense as saying - let Jane be Jane, but with like 75% less Jane.
And if I’m correct, that is a J with a squiggle.
I LOVE YOU!
Quick response and I will come back and write more later. I will write as much as I damn well please, as a matter of fact! Ha ha.
I’m counting on the celebs but here for all the storytelling!
I just got a signed Kacey Musgraves CD and it only says KM
I can't get the videos to video but I would like to have pink XL anything except a tank top, no one wants to see that including me
Ha! I am not a tank topper either. Arm Coverers Unite!
I keep my "Hi, Helens" to myself
OK, I know I am out of it, but I don't know what this reference means and I want to!!
When I wave my arm to say "Hi, Helen!" the bottom part waves on its own. Also known as "Bingo wings"
I also remember the moment in Divine Madness starring Bette Midler when she pokes at hers and says "How old a woman would you say I was?"
Ha ha! I never saw that. But I must say, I love our tangent!
Thank you so much for the education! I have heard of bingo wings before now that you said it. Phew!
“Jane’s Mom’s Favorite” lol love it 😍
You really looked! Thanks!! You're awesome and that makes the ridiculously detailed work all worth it!
Of course! 😘
Love this story Sammi. Your mother sounds like a beautiful human being.
Wow, thank you for this incredible story. You could have shared it anywhere and you gave it to us. I'll be feeling this for days.
What an incredible story, Sammi! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I love hearing how open, honest, and supportive you and your mom are of each other. That's the way it should be! 💖
Nobody will put Jane in the tiny comment box corner.
FLY, you free-spirited unbridled joy, fly!
And I’ll be the bitch in the back of your mind telling you - you’re worth it do the things say the things BE THE YOU -and you can send any criticism to me and I’ll make this exact face 😐
Because where are we? Somewhere names Jane. Who are you? Your mother freaking JANE.
You are awesome and we make a good team. I will happily throw all my critics your way and will have so much fun seeing what you do with them.
I’ve taken such joy that it shocks people that I won’t tolerate bullshit and roll delighted as a puppy in whatever female slur is hurled at me. The world is a silly place. Girls are this. They can’t be that. Someone the other day in an interview called me an alpha female and I’m not certain why female was needed. Did we assume all alphas were … males?
When my dad was in the hospital this spring my husband overhead the nurses talking, and they said : that daughter is small, but she’s MEAN.
Let’s rewind. This nurse was trying to give my dad pills, and I kept saying no. I said no again. Stop. Finally just knocked the pills out of his hand and slapped the cup away, because he was just rolling his eyes
But my dad wasn’t allowed to have pills because his swallow muscles weren’t fully working yet, nor was he allowed to have water that wasn’t ’thickened.’
Question is-AM I mean? Because if being mean is not being so meek I idly stand by and watch bro nurse try to kill my dads life, I don’t really want that.
Wow and go MEAN girls!! My first semester of college, I heard someone call me a bitch and I swelled up with pride and loved it and I still do.
2050’s feature Magazine: That Bitch Jane Pratt
For your book you should intersperse paragraphs written by people you’ve argued with over the years that dislike you. The thought of this both is awful and delightful. The drama of it all!
Though she is small, she be fierce
Yes!!! That's the translation I was looking for!
I think it should be "she be but small" but oh well