Random-Ass Menopause Symptom of the Month: Mood Swings
This mental ping-pong game is maddening.
I suffer from anxiety—soul-crushing panic attacks that have literally sent me to the emergency room swearing to anyone who would listen that I was having a heart attack. One time I had one so bad that I ran out of a conference room during a packed staff meeting and immediately called my therapist.
I take prescription medication daily to stave off the rising tide of shaky nerves I now recognize come rolling in whenever I’m about to lose it. And believe me, it helps. But the mood swings that have been happening to me currently, on top of all my other health shit, have me reeling.
It’s hard enough to be an aging woman in these post-pandemic streets without the added worry of having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde episode at any given moment on any given day. I can be sitting at home typing away at my computer and suddenly find myself on the verge of tears. I can be driving my car on a road that I know is a prime highway for speed demons who tailgate drivers in the slow lane just for shits and giggles, and the next thing I know I am flipping them the bird and screaming out of the window like a road-raging lunatic. Or I could be on the phone with my insurance company which never seems able to get my billing statement right and feel my voice gradually elevating to decibels one can only describe as ear-shattering.
Yes, I realize this is so stereotypical of what some biased (male) physicians might say about women going through menopause, but my truth is real and—indeed—hurts.
I want a new drug—one that won’t make me sick, crash my car, or make me feel three feet thick (oh yeah, we talked about that one last month, lol). I want a new drug, one that won’t hurt my head, make my mouth too dry, or make my eyes too red. One that won’t make me nervous, wondering what to do. One that makes me feel like I used to (I took liberty with that last Huey Lewis & The News song lyric).
I am open to trying just about anything to balance these highs and lows (I am a Libra after all, and balance is what we’re all about.) The suggestion box is open!
I love this post and I love you for writing it. This is going to sound really basic, but do you take magnesium?
I really, really, hear you. It's absolutely brutal to navigate perimenopause with any level of pre-existing anxiety. I'm sending lots of love and solidarity.
I'll share that two years ago this December, I had what I characterized at the time as a nervous breakdown. I've lived with severe anxiety and depression for most of my life, and I thought it had been brought on after some very upsetting dental surgery...collateral damage from years of eating disorders.
I was reliving a lot of excruciating memories, feeling very much shot back in time by the experience, but it was unlike anything I'd felt before. I was disassociated, jumpy, frightened, and so agitated.
Long story short, googling "how to stop disassociating" led me to an article about the link between fluctuating estrogen and mental health--specifically PTSD, in my case. It was a brief comfort to begin realizing I was in perimenopause, then I began a long journey of trying to find support. Gaslighting by GYN, anyone? Actual note from medical visit, "Patient thinks hormones are causing her mental problems."
I'm nearly at the year mark of HRT (Dotti patches) and recently had a progesterone IUD placed (the oral stuff made me super anxious). I take daily D3, B Complex, Omega 3, Potassium, Magnesium along with my trusty Prozac (not to mention biweekly trauma therapy). I know that HRT is not the right fit for everyone, but it's not an understatement to say it's saved my life.
I hope you can find some relief, and again, sending total solidarity.