Skip EBay Prices And Get A Free Sassy Issue From Me (Signed If You Want)

FREE SASSYS! FREE CLOTHES! FREE SASSY CLOTHES! ARE YOU HYPERVENTILATING LIKE I AM OVER THIS?

If anyone wants to help wallpaper a room in my apartment with this pattern, I would love it and my creative genius Ani wouldn’t have to photoshop! I'm kind of serious.

By Jane Pratt

Hi Goobers!

Today is fun because I get to give away free stuff. (It’s also fun because I am on a road trip with my best friend - and I will blame any typos or weirdnesses you encounter here on that distraction. In particular, the first sentence of the next paragraph which any one of you or your children could certainly edit better than I just did.) Here is how the giveaway goes:

Ani (a true creative wizard who I frontal-cortex melded with at our first meeting when she described her hairstyle as”Founding Father” and I read her mind about her favorite tea, favorite color and other less family-friendly – depending on your family – loves) and I designed these new shirts for you. You had been asking for different colors and styles for a while and I was stubbornly sticking with my pink on pink formula. But that all changes today, yeehaw!

And because it is summer and there is global warming… along with new Sassy tshirts in all new color combinations, we are accelerating our global Sassy domination with the release of our first-ever Sassy tank tops. You are welcome, and thanks for the inspiration, Florida reader who never wears sleeves. (Note that next we will be releasing my favorite style so far by far. It is for those of us who do not love to show our arms and do love to hide and also regulate our body temperatures constantly with a zip or a hood up or down. That next release is my favorite most useful style, the hoodie. I can't wait to manufacture them so that I can have one too. Or two.)

Ani mocked this up to show some of the famous people, from Michael Stipe to Ben Lee to Courteney Cox, who also wear their Sassy shirts often and proudly.

 

Goal: Sassification of this damn country, and the world wherever it’s needed - which is a lot of places currently. So give these shirts away too or do whatever makes you feel good. Make them as ubiquitous as my best friend’s TV show-logo shirts that seem to be on every man, woman, nonbinary, old, young person worldwide (that would be the “Friends” shirt) or at the very least as commonplace as the shirt heralding my other Courtney friend’s husband’s band (that would be “Nirvana”). Make them that prevalent and we will be able to produce massive print runs of a Sassy for today for all of the needy children - and yourselves - AND bribe enough politicians to reinstate Roe v. Wade. Let’s do it!

You can order them right here!!!!

You can’t click on these to buy but if you go to this very link you will see shoppable pages like this and some tres Sassy marketing lines from me about what inspired different color combos. Fun!

Now this is how to get yours without paying, if you prefer that route: Upgrade from a monthly to an annual subscription (which is a better deal anyway) or switch from annual to lifetime (a true bargain depending on how long you live - start eating your Wheaties now). That way you will get all the goodness of reading even the paywalled juice all over AJPT, plus the joy of commenting and talking to me (I almost just wrote “talking to Jane” third person and thank god I didn’t) AND a brand new shirt of your choice. This offer will be valid until July 5, because who wants any more focus on July 4.

Get your subscription right here!!!!

Ani is a goofball and a genius and made this image (which is frighteningly fucking accurate except that my breasts are a little bigger and not quite the right shape here) of us in our individual favorite color combinations.

Either way you get your shirt, tell me what style you chose and why in the comments to qualify to be one of the outstandingly lucky true individuals who will also win a (signed or unsigned - your choice) issue of Sassy. Yes, the good Sassy when I and the original crew were still there, of course. That’s a huge big deal and it’s going to involve me going to the post office, something I am not good at. I’m so not good at it that I bought a whole ton of Mohammed Ali stamps to put on an envelope with a book to send to my mom the other day before realizing there was no way to fit enough stamps on it to cover the mailing cost, so I then pried those off and did it the regular way with a shipping label. While we are talking (or I am) about post offices, here's a maybe slightly more interesting story about me and post offices: After being at Jane magazine for seven years or so, I needed to get a new passport and so my first assistant Karen arranged a car for me to go and pick it up and marked down “Passport Pickup” as an appointment on my calendar. I was so out of touch with regular life at that point that I walked into the post office with three others staff members and had one of them walk up to the counter before me to announce “I have Jane Pratt here for an appointment.” I didn't even realize, until the counter person rolled her eyes and pointed to the passport line, that you just go get in line like everybody else. I had not mailed anything myself in years.

A gift from the lovely Jenny, who worked with me at Jane magazine, so am I being rude if I regift to you? And also: Don’t you think this caption font could be bigger? I love captions and would like for Substack to change it.

Also, no matter how you get the shirt – by buying it or by upgrading your subscription: My customer service is excellent – as anyone who has received a free shirt from me before can attest (and please do attest in the comments because that will probably help sales). The reason it’s so exemplary is that it’s me on my little laptop manually putting in your address so you get your shirt. I love doing it too. And I love you the most of all!!! Stay Sassy! Or whatever other better phrase makes sense there.

Love, Janey Jane

PS…

Actual photo of Michael and me going somewhere in the 90s

LEAVE A COMMENT ABOUT ANYTHING YOU WANT TO COMMENT ABOUT, SERIOUSLY. BUT ADD YOUR FAVORITE SHIRT STYLE AND COLOR IF YOU WANT ME TO CONSIDER GIVING YOU AN ISSUE OF SASSY TOO. THAT’S IT!