Completely agree! I hate when people wave me through because I've almost been hit when falling for it. Now, let's talk about zipper merges and how that is a PERFECT opportunity to let people in front of you in traffic!
Now you are speaking languages that this almost lifelong New Yorker who hasn't owned a car in decades cannot even translate. But I like the sound of a zipper merge!
YES. The fabled zipper merge. How many people do you watch jockey for position? This, I should be clear, is an obvious exception to the Don't Let Other Cars Into Traffic Commandment. Because everyone is already on the same street!
Oh I do that zipper thing whenever I drive on the freeway I just didn't know there was a name for it. Is that a bad move? In your All important opinion?
I suppose we should clarify what you're doing on the freeway. Are you merging from three lanes down to two and "zippering" along with the other cars to more easily keep things moving? Or are you... you know... weaving in and out of the lanes after having had too much cough syrup that morning?
I agree with you completely. When I was a kid, I had A LOT of babysitters. Welcome to Gen X. Anyway, one time, my parents were out of town and some babysitter was driving me somewhere on a 2 lane highway with exit and entrance ramps. I lived in a pretty rural area at that time. So maybe the speed limit was 60? Even as a kid, I was horrified when she stopped (a complete stop!) on the highway to let someone in who was trying to merge 🤦🏼♀️
Absolutely unconscionable. Which reminds me: if you happen to be merging onto a highway, do not stop or slow down at the entrance ramp. Match their speed and slide in as easy as an elephant on roller skates. I've almost been killed more than once by people who stop at the merge. The sign says "Yield," not "Give Up!"
Hahahaha. This may be me in many circumstances, sorry to say. It just feels instinctual to slow down when you're coming toward all of those crazy fast moving cars. (I am not the best driver. Speaking of, I recently crashed another rental car dropping my daughter back at college. But I don't need other cars around in order to do this – all it takes is a rock in a driveway!)
The reunion is coming up in less than three days! I'm posting something here about it tomorrow to get the help I so desperately need from you all!
I got my weeks mixed up when I originally announced it, but I would never ever go through something as major as that without telling you all every detail. Don't you worry, it's coming. Thanks for asking!
I (family member of Andy’s) have amateur levels of righteous road rage in comparison, but I cannot tell you how many times I have yelled “it says ‘yield’ not ‘give up’!!!” at the car(s) in front of me merging onto a highway, only to have my unfortunate passengers spit take because they’ve never heard that before. Apparently my delivery is *chef’s kiss*
I would give anything to hear the audio of both you and Andy yelling this. I've never heard it before either and it cracks me up to read it. Who started it??
OK, you are going to think I'm making this up, but I grew up one block away from I-95! And learned to drive there! In Durham, NC, but driving to Tennessee was not unheard of, so...
Good to see you again! I had so much fun fully stopping in front of you on that ramp!
Team Wintergreen here! You are absolutely correct. If I'm trying to get into traffic and someone slows down for me I'm yelling "NO NO KEEP GOING". I don't expect someone to let me in willy nilly, I wait until there's a break in traffic or match their speed until there is a place I can slide in. I never want to have a daily commute again. Ooh! Next can you do four-way stops?
NOOOOOOO KEEP GOING YOU FUCKING IDIOT is typically what pops out of my mouth at top volume…this from the woman who coaches about practicing kindness. 🤦🏻♀️
For some reason I turn into a judgmental lunatic behind the wheel. I think it’s a trauma response from all the years of LA traffic.
But a safe lunatic. I’m a really good driver and could win awards for my parallel parking skills, developed from years of living in West Hollywood. (Parking in WeHo is a nightmare, and if you don’t have a parking permit don’t even bother going there.)
OK, so check this out. Alewife Garage is a multi-story monster at the very westernmost end of the Red Line in the Boston area. Currently, it only has one exit because of construction. Typically, it hasn't been an issue. Until tonight, when I needed to go to Davis Square. There was what can only be described as a giant ouroboros of cars, snaking all the way through the different levels of the garage, because some chronically terrified brake-rider couldn't bring themselves to exit the garage, and caused a backup so bad that there was a long line of cars trying to get IN the garage, which then blocked everyone from getting out.
Is the lesson here that people should let other people into traffic? No, my friend, it is not. The lesson is, when it's your turn to exit the garage, EXIT THE GARAGE.
And I thought my commute home tonight was bad, because when it starts to rain even the slightest people here go either cuckoo bananas and drive like they’re on meth or turn into 90-year-old grandmas who can’t see over the steering wheel. Madness.
I used to live in New Hampshire then Cape Cod and my band performed in Faneuil Hall a few weekends a month back in 1998-99. I’m not familiar with that particular garage, but I am familiar with the Boston traffic snarl. Woof.
I was literally sitting in my car, stuck on the 2nd floor--with several hundred of my closest friends--and trying to think of a tool from therapy to keep me from blowing a gasket.
However, salvation came in the form of a brilliant young woman who managed to convince two cars in front of us to move a little bit so we could drive our cars past them and park in a couple of nearby spots. She's my hero.
You hit me where I *live* with this one! I have been trying to teach my, otherwise outstanding, husband this lesson for 20+ years. By being "nice," you are co-signing for all of the entitled amateurs who flout the rules of the road and make everything weird and annoying for the rest of us.
Preach, sister! The worst part is that, when I'm trying to make a left turn into a side street, some dipshit assumes I'm going to be "nice" and let them in--then almost t-bones me! I just wag my finger at them and keep turning.
There is absolutely no question about the wintergreen comparison. But products called cool sweet mint, often really are a close second, in my opinion.
I also wanted to say about the flying car comment that I just took a long road trip with my parents this past weekend and boy was I extra aware of people doing egregiously and exactly what Andy described. And aware of the need for a flying car!
They sure did!!!! That's the worst! Or letting someone in who has just cheated the system by going all the way to the front of the line pretending they didn't know that was their exit. Do not reward that cheating behavior!
Oh I do love a good zipper merge. Especially when there is a sign letting people know there is a zipper merge!! I smile as I zip past the single line of cars to that nice open second lane and get to my final destination faster than those suckers that don't know how to do it.
It really IS dangerous! The other day, ( and I'm not making this up), some idiotic do-gooder *stopped halfway under a green light* to wave others into their turns!! WTactualF??? And not just one car either. Ohhh. The cacophony of horns blaring was sweet...as that driver's "kindness" let me make the red light!! Thanks for nothing. My GAWD!
This is going to come off as really cold and matter of fact but it is simply a fact that my childhood best friend died this way at age 12. A truck stopped to wave her on and she crossed and was killed by cross traffic. Horrible. I try to insist my kids only cross at lights and stop signs but so many people don’t do it. It’s terrifying. Follow the rules of the road. We need them for a reason.
Corynne! But I'm truly glad you raised this. At first, I read it as a cautionary Tale for maybe driving safely and slow slowly, but then I realized of course this is even a far more horrifying example of what can go wrong with motorists trying to let other people or vehicles go in front of them. Wow and I'm so sorry about that. But glad you are doing something productive with the lesson with your own kids.
It really was a terrible thing. So tragic. I know the driver who waved her on really struggled after with the guilt. That's why I am mean and don't let kids cross in front of me.
Thanks, Andy. It was a long time ago. But now my son is approaching that age and it just brings up a lot of fear and anxiety. I agree strongly with your opinion!
I have this fantasy of buying a 1942 Ford pickup--a really janky, beat-down one that nobody cares about--and driving it around, just waiting for some asshole to do this. Then, in my fever dream, I picture myself flooring it and ramming into the back of them, pushing them through the intersection, and then as far as the truck will go.
The banter between you two! I want to give you a podcast. Or a running column to just play off each each other on these deep and important topics. It's hilarious.
I’ll send you a sneak peek of what I wrote about him, if you’d like. Let’s just say this — he’d love Madison, but you? Not so much. He’d try to bite your toes off.
By the way, wintergreen of course! But I'm a gum girl and vote for the very unhealthily loaded with chemicals Orbit cool mint flavor.
I haven't had gum in... shit, I have no idea. But I was always a fan of Doublemint.
That was a good one. Don't even get me started about the discontinuation of Fruit Stripe! @Sari Botton
will likely remember that one along with me. Gum fans/addicts unite!
Omg, I love Fruit Stripe! Do they even still make it? I also love Trident Swedish Fish flavor, although I haven’t been able to find it lately.
I'm sorry to deliver this news, but they discontinued Fruit Stripe just last year! What were they thinking?
A tragedy. Long live Fruit Stripe. 😭
Hahah you get me
Shouldn't you be packing right now?😅
No, that happens one hour before I leave. Stay in your lane, dude! Not literally obviously.
🤣
Completely agree! I hate when people wave me through because I've almost been hit when falling for it. Now, let's talk about zipper merges and how that is a PERFECT opportunity to let people in front of you in traffic!
Now you are speaking languages that this almost lifelong New Yorker who hasn't owned a car in decades cannot even translate. But I like the sound of a zipper merge!
YES. The fabled zipper merge. How many people do you watch jockey for position? This, I should be clear, is an obvious exception to the Don't Let Other Cars Into Traffic Commandment. Because everyone is already on the same street!
Oh I do that zipper thing whenever I drive on the freeway I just didn't know there was a name for it. Is that a bad move? In your All important opinion?
I suppose we should clarify what you're doing on the freeway. Are you merging from three lanes down to two and "zippering" along with the other cars to more easily keep things moving? Or are you... you know... weaving in and out of the lanes after having had too much cough syrup that morning?
Exactly!! Every morning, I see it on my commute. Like, it's ok to let someone in front of you. You go, I go, we all go!
I agree with you completely. When I was a kid, I had A LOT of babysitters. Welcome to Gen X. Anyway, one time, my parents were out of town and some babysitter was driving me somewhere on a 2 lane highway with exit and entrance ramps. I lived in a pretty rural area at that time. So maybe the speed limit was 60? Even as a kid, I was horrified when she stopped (a complete stop!) on the highway to let someone in who was trying to merge 🤦🏼♀️
You knew how dangerous "manners" can be even at a young age. Smart girl!
😱
Absolutely unconscionable. Which reminds me: if you happen to be merging onto a highway, do not stop or slow down at the entrance ramp. Match their speed and slide in as easy as an elephant on roller skates. I've almost been killed more than once by people who stop at the merge. The sign says "Yield," not "Give Up!"
Hahahaha. This may be me in many circumstances, sorry to say. It just feels instinctual to slow down when you're coming toward all of those crazy fast moving cars. (I am not the best driver. Speaking of, I recently crashed another rental car dropping my daughter back at college. But I don't need other cars around in order to do this – all it takes is a rock in a driveway!)
Oh, God, Jane. Oh… God. We need to find you a driver.
I tend to cause problems there too because I always want them to go faster. Maybe it's other help I need??
I think we need to get you a helicopter pilot's license.
BTW, how was the reunion?
Helicopter, hell yes!
The reunion is coming up in less than three days! I'm posting something here about it tomorrow to get the help I so desperately need from you all!
I got my weeks mixed up when I originally announced it, but I would never ever go through something as major as that without telling you all every detail. Don't you worry, it's coming. Thanks for asking!
I (family member of Andy’s) have amateur levels of righteous road rage in comparison, but I cannot tell you how many times I have yelled “it says ‘yield’ not ‘give up’!!!” at the car(s) in front of me merging onto a highway, only to have my unfortunate passengers spit take because they’ve never heard that before. Apparently my delivery is *chef’s kiss*
I would give anything to hear the audio of both you and Andy yelling this. I've never heard it before either and it cracks me up to read it. Who started it??
Oh, I totally stole it from Eshe.
I think it came to me in a moment of raging brilliance when I was behind a car that actually FULLY STOPPED on the on ramp of a major highway.
Hey, I think that was me! Which highway were you on?
Haha pretty sure it was I-95 near Nashville 🤣
OK, you are going to think I'm making this up, but I grew up one block away from I-95! And learned to drive there! In Durham, NC, but driving to Tennessee was not unheard of, so...
Good to see you again! I had so much fun fully stopping in front of you on that ramp!
Team Wintergreen here! You are absolutely correct. If I'm trying to get into traffic and someone slows down for me I'm yelling "NO NO KEEP GOING". I don't expect someone to let me in willy nilly, I wait until there's a break in traffic or match their speed until there is a place I can slide in. I never want to have a daily commute again. Ooh! Next can you do four-way stops?
NOOOOOOO KEEP GOING YOU FUCKING IDIOT is typically what pops out of my mouth at top volume…this from the woman who coaches about practicing kindness. 🤦🏻♀️
For some reason I turn into a judgmental lunatic behind the wheel. I think it’s a trauma response from all the years of LA traffic.
But a safe lunatic. I’m a really good driver and could win awards for my parallel parking skills, developed from years of living in West Hollywood. (Parking in WeHo is a nightmare, and if you don’t have a parking permit don’t even bother going there.)
I think you and I would have a lot of fun judging other drivers.
I used to parallel park in a '79 Celica five speed, with manual steering. I can fit in any space at any time.
Damn…you win! And yes, we sure would 🤣🤣
OK, so check this out. Alewife Garage is a multi-story monster at the very westernmost end of the Red Line in the Boston area. Currently, it only has one exit because of construction. Typically, it hasn't been an issue. Until tonight, when I needed to go to Davis Square. There was what can only be described as a giant ouroboros of cars, snaking all the way through the different levels of the garage, because some chronically terrified brake-rider couldn't bring themselves to exit the garage, and caused a backup so bad that there was a long line of cars trying to get IN the garage, which then blocked everyone from getting out.
Is the lesson here that people should let other people into traffic? No, my friend, it is not. The lesson is, when it's your turn to exit the garage, EXIT THE GARAGE.
OMFG. You must’ve been livid.
And I thought my commute home tonight was bad, because when it starts to rain even the slightest people here go either cuckoo bananas and drive like they’re on meth or turn into 90-year-old grandmas who can’t see over the steering wheel. Madness.
I used to live in New Hampshire then Cape Cod and my band performed in Faneuil Hall a few weekends a month back in 1998-99. I’m not familiar with that particular garage, but I am familiar with the Boston traffic snarl. Woof.
I was literally sitting in my car, stuck on the 2nd floor--with several hundred of my closest friends--and trying to think of a tool from therapy to keep me from blowing a gasket.
However, salvation came in the form of a brilliant young woman who managed to convince two cars in front of us to move a little bit so we could drive our cars past them and park in a couple of nearby spots. She's my hero.
Four-way stops.
🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
You hit me where I *live* with this one! I have been trying to teach my, otherwise outstanding, husband this lesson for 20+ years. By being "nice," you are co-signing for all of the entitled amateurs who flout the rules of the road and make everything weird and annoying for the rest of us.
Your passion just made me laugh - not at you but with you. I love it
Preach, sister! The worst part is that, when I'm trying to make a left turn into a side street, some dipshit assumes I'm going to be "nice" and let them in--then almost t-bones me! I just wag my finger at them and keep turning.
Wintergreen? There's a question?
I've discovered Seltzer mints and now I can't even with peppermint.
Great piece, Andy. I promise not to let you into traffic.
Kim Krajci
And where is my flying car? I was promised a flying car!
It's on backorder, expected to arrive after the jet pack.
I know you. You'll keep my flying car for yourself. IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY.
Thank you, Kim. I will wave to you as you drive by, secure in the knowledge that you're keeping one corner of the world safe.
There is absolutely no question about the wintergreen comparison. But products called cool sweet mint, often really are a close second, in my opinion.
I also wanted to say about the flying car comment that I just took a long road trip with my parents this past weekend and boy was I extra aware of people doing egregiously and exactly what Andy described. And aware of the need for a flying car!
They probably let people merge long before the merge points in road construction, too.
They sure did!!!! That's the worst! Or letting someone in who has just cheated the system by going all the way to the front of the line pretending they didn't know that was their exit. Do not reward that cheating behavior!
Oh I do love a good zipper merge. Especially when there is a sign letting people know there is a zipper merge!! I smile as I zip past the single line of cars to that nice open second lane and get to my final destination faster than those suckers that don't know how to do it.
Suckers!
It really IS dangerous! The other day, ( and I'm not making this up), some idiotic do-gooder *stopped halfway under a green light* to wave others into their turns!! WTactualF??? And not just one car either. Ohhh. The cacophony of horns blaring was sweet...as that driver's "kindness" let me make the red light!! Thanks for nothing. My GAWD!
This is going to come off as really cold and matter of fact but it is simply a fact that my childhood best friend died this way at age 12. A truck stopped to wave her on and she crossed and was killed by cross traffic. Horrible. I try to insist my kids only cross at lights and stop signs but so many people don’t do it. It’s terrifying. Follow the rules of the road. We need them for a reason.
Corynne! But I'm truly glad you raised this. At first, I read it as a cautionary Tale for maybe driving safely and slow slowly, but then I realized of course this is even a far more horrifying example of what can go wrong with motorists trying to let other people or vehicles go in front of them. Wow and I'm so sorry about that. But glad you are doing something productive with the lesson with your own kids.
Oh that is just horrifying!!!
It really was a terrible thing. So tragic. I know the driver who waved her on really struggled after with the guilt. That's why I am mean and don't let kids cross in front of me.
Jesus, Corynne, that’s awful. I’m very sorry to hear that. It must have been devastating.
Thanks, Andy. It was a long time ago. But now my son is approaching that age and it just brings up a lot of fear and anxiety. I agree strongly with your opinion!
This vitriol just cracks me up! I may have a sick sense of humor, but I sure do love this reaction.
I have this fantasy of buying a 1942 Ford pickup--a really janky, beat-down one that nobody cares about--and driving it around, just waiting for some asshole to do this. Then, in my fever dream, I picture myself flooring it and ramming into the back of them, pushing them through the intersection, and then as far as the truck will go.
...
...
I'm sorry, did I just say that out loud?
You tell ‘em Andy!!! 🤣♥️
You know, if people would just do what I want, then everything will be fine!😅
Also, wintergreen >>>> spearmint
Omg, this is brilliant 🤣🤣
No lies detected, Sir
The banter between you two! I want to give you a podcast. Or a running column to just play off each each other on these deep and important topics. It's hilarious.
Oh, and Madison--my Golden Boxer--needs to be in the car too.😅
Let’s do this.
But we’re leaving my dog home. You’ll find out why soon enough. (Next article, maybe)
I've got almost 300 hours of paid time off lying around doing nothing useful.
Unless your dog is a puker, I'd say Madison would love her new best friend.
I’ll send you a sneak peek of what I wrote about him, if you’d like. Let’s just say this — he’d love Madison, but you? Not so much. He’d try to bite your toes off.
Sold. Put Dana and me in a car with a microphone and let 'er rip.
Ummmm, yes please!! With a cross-country road trip weaved in there somewhere.
*hat tip*
Show me the lie.